Ep 155: How to Stop Overeating & Overworking with Janet

Dr. Deb Butler: Welcome to Thinner Peace in Menopause and Beyond. This is Dr. Deb Butler, master life and weight coach, and as always, your coach. Today is episode number 155. I want to talk to you about opening up your life. Stay tuned.

Hi, everybody. Welcome. It’s a beautiful day in paradise. It’s the beginning of spring; I could see buds on the trees. I have something really special for you today. Today, I want to introduce you to somebody who you’ve already met. Her name is Janet, and she is a former client of mine. I interviewed her on podcast number 141 back in December, right when we finished working together, and she was such a fantastic interview because what she shared with you was the idea of once she felt like she was worthy, she really began to take care of herself and has started that journey, and she went all through that. That was episode number 141.

And now I brought her back again, which, see, we’re like in March, so you know, three or four months later. And she’s going to tell us a little bit about her journey so far, working on her own accountability and the things that come up, and I think it’d be really useful for you. 

But also, I want to tell you that—especially because of this podcast—I am offering a class. Yes, it’s the first time I’ve offered a class in over a year and a half, and guess what it’s going to be on. It’s going to be on the whole idea of the one thing that changes everything, and that one thing is how to work the model. And of course, the model is how you create—how thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions, and actions create results—and I’ve talked to you a lot about it in my podcasts. But I think in a class, I will be able to show you the model backwards, forwards. We can use examples from your own life, and I’ll show you how it works on paper.

And I really think that this will help you get it and be able to use it in your life for your own self-coaching. And this is exactly what happened when I was working with Janet, which is why I want to tell you about this is you’re going to see that when we do this interview, how I use the model on her—how to help her—and then I want to tell you a little bit about her journey. As I interview her, I want to talk to you a little bit about that and get back on at the end of her interview and share some things with you. 

But listen up, I am doing a class, and it’s going to be on April 15. It’s a one-hour class. It’s going to be at 10 o’clock Central, and that’s a Monday. And it’s going to be all about that one thing that changes everything. So if you’ve been trying to lose weight, whatever it is that you’re trying to do—probably lose weight—I want to show you how when you get your mind right, in this model, losing weight becomes so much easier. It is the thing; it is the trick. And you’re going to hear it in this podcast, and I want you to be able to use it. So if you’re interested in signing up for this one hour class, go to drdebbutler.com/everything. Yep, everything, and you will get the one thing that changes everything. 

So now I want to introduce you, again, to Janet, and I’ll get back on at the end and give you a few of my thoughts. Enjoy. 

Dr. Deb: Hi, Janet. Welcome to the podcast.

Janet: Thank you, Dr. Deb. I’m happy to be here. Thank you.

Dr. Deb: Yeah. And the last time that I had you on, it was probably two to three months ago. And we had just finished working, and you were so excited about starting to lose weight, but more than anything, actually deciding that you are worth taking care of. Because if I remember you correctly, when we first started working, your biggest problem was, “You mean I have to stop working and feed myself? But I don’t have time to stop working and feed myself. That is just such an inconvenience. Are you telling me that’s what I have to do?” Do you remember that?

Janet: Oh, absolutely. I remember that. Yes.

Dr. Deb: Yeah. And then, when we did our podcast interview after you finished working with me, you were like singing a totally different song. Totally different song. And now, we’re two to three months out, so I think it’s going to be really interesting for my listeners to hear what it’s been like while you were working with me, and then while you’re on your own, maybe what has come up, what’s different, what I might be able to help you with. Because there’s so many people out there, they’re either—have started the journey, finished the journey in the middle of losing weight, at the end of losing weight, at the beginning of losing weight—and we talk about losing weight; we’re not just talking about losing pounds. We’re talking about losing that weight or burden in your brain that gets in the way, right?

Janet: I was just gonna say it’s funny how things come up consistently, and it’s things that we have to work through, or that I have to work through—I don’t know about everybody—but I have to work through on a daily basis, different things that I never thought of.

Dr. Deb: Like, for instance, like what?

Janet: Like, for instance, well, I’m a workaholic. Well, I was a workaholic.

Dr. Deb: Whoohoo. I gotta call you. I gotta call you on that. Oh, my god. What a thought. What a thought, “I’m a workaholic.”

Janet: Oh, right. 

Dr. Deb: Okay, this is where we’re gonna start. Didn’t we work on that before? 

Janet: Yeah. So now that I’m not working all the time, now I’m thinking about other things that I need or that I want to do. And it’s to the point now where, “Gosh, I want to do this, and now, I want to do other things and have more fun and, you know, go golfing,” and I’m finding myself, when I’m not working so much though, that some thoughts come into my head of being because I’m lonely or I need other things to do, things that I’ve never thought of before, things that I’ve never felt before, like being lonely, for instance. I’m single. 

Dr. Deb: Yeah.

Janet: I have been for 15 years, and my family is not around. So they live in other states or other, you know, hours away, so it’s not just I’d hop in the car and go see them or anything like that. So I have to deal with myself a little bit more, and it’s kind of challenging sometimes.

Dr. Deb: Yeah. So that’s really something great that you bring up, Janet, because when we first started working, I don’t think you even knew what the feeling felt like.

Janet: No. No, I didn’t. Not really because I buried myself in work. 

Dr. Deb: You buried yourself in work, and if you weren’t burying yourself in work, then you were eating foods that really weren’t serving you.

Janet: Yes.

Dr. Deb: Right? As a way of not feeling if you weren’t working for the little bit of time that you work. 

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Right? And I remember when we first started working together, and the idea of having to take care of yourself and to feed yourself was like some big mountain that you had to climb that you thought was impossible, right? You remember that?

Janet: Correct. Oh, yes. I absolutely

Dr. Deb: And then, you know, through the journey of us working together, and when we did our first interview after you had finished working, what you had said is that you figured out that having to take care of yourself was the most necessary, most important thing to do. And then you became, you went from, “I don’t know what I’m going to cook for myself, and it’s too hard, and you’re telling me I have to go to the grocery store,” to making these really just, you know, easy, great meals for yourself. All of them were fuel. It was no big deal to you. You laughed about it, and you were just so proud of yourself that you were doing it. Do you remember that?

Janet: Yeah. Yes. 

Dr. Deb: Yeah.

Janet: Yes, I do.

Dr. Deb: Yeah, and I’m just kind of bringing everybody up to where we are right now because I just want to remind everybody, and remind you because this is our first time talking together in a few months since we stopped working. So you’re probably going to want to ask me some questions, and maybe the questions that you want to ask me are things that other listeners are wondering about what happens when you’re not working with somebody every single week. How do you do it on your own? Right?

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: So the things that I remember that you really figured out was how to start planning your meals, eating when you’re hungry, stopping when you’re full, not making a big deal about it, but realizing that that was really important to you and that you couldn’t just work your life away. So you made time to eat, and you made time for other things. Correct?

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Even though you still call yourself a workaholic, which is a thought, which is really interesting that you say that still. Because in the next breath, what you said to me is, “Because I’m not working as much.” 

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Right. So it’s interesting that you would even want to call yourself a workaholic.

Janet: Well, I meant that I used to call it myself.

Dr. Deb: Oh. Oh, okay. So beautiful.

Janet: I’m sorry. 

Dr. Deb: Oh, I’m so glad because I don’t have to coach you on that. 

Janet: Yeah. 

Dr. Deb: So that’s right. You used to have the thought that you were workaholic and that all you did was work and that you didn’t have time for anything else. And then what you said in your first podcast interview was the whole thing of, “Oh, my gosh. Now that I’m taking care of myself, and I find myself worthy, and I’ve learned how to feel feelings”—because we went through a lot of feelings when we were working together—a lot of things popped up, right?

Janet: Yeah, right.

Dr. Deb: And you learned how to feel it, which was just amazing for you to talk about it with everybody else on the podcast about what that was like because you had never really gone through that before. And one of the things that you learned is that you could do it.

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: And through that whole process, you started losing weight, you started feeling so much better about yourself in terms of, just the tone of your voice was just so different in terms of how happy you were because of all the things that you were thinking that you didn’t used to think. Right? And you were food journaling, and we were keeping like a mind-body chart so that we could keep track of what it was like in your body as you were not eating flour and sugar and eating more fuel foods, and we had numbers about how that felt in your body. And you were like, with all of these high numbers with your mood and your energy, all of those numbers were really, really high. Right? 

Janet: Correct. 

Dr. Deb: Okay. 

Janet: Yeah. 

Dr. Deb: So that’s bringing everybody up to where you were. You were just like, it’s like we had to pull you up out of the sky. You were so happy. Like, come on down. So now, a few months out, where are you now? And what do you find that you easily can take into these few months that you’ve been on your own? And how well do you feel that you can stay accountable to yourself? You know, and tell me, tell us what the challenges are too so that other people can hear this, and then I can help you with those challenges.

Janet: Well, I’m finding that the food is, it’s still easy that I’m finding it’s, when I prepare my meals ahead of time, or I’m planned for the next day, it’s easy. Very, very rarely, a few times I have gone off that, but I find that I know better than that. I know if I’m prepared, it’s a lot easier, and it is easy. So that I know.

Dr. Deb: Okay, so I want to interject real quick because I want everybody to realize that that is something you never did before. 

Janet: No, no. I did not.

Dr. Deb: And what you’re saying is really easy. You told me in the beginning that that was the hardest thing that you thought you could do, and you weren’t sure that you wanted to work with me because you didn’t want to have to do that. Let’s just remind everybody

Janet: That is correct. I was pretty bullheaded about that part. 

Dr. Deb: Correct. 

Janet: And that was the easiest part.

Dr. Deb: Exactly. So three months out from us working together, that is still something that you find easy, and you find yourself worth doing for yourself. 

Janet: Yes. 

Dr. Deb: Beautiful. Tell me what else.

Janet: Absolutely:

Dr. Deb: Yes. Tell me what else. I just have to keep bringing you back, me back, and everybody else is listening. Because otherwise, it’s gonna like, “Well, that doesn’t,” I mean like, “She hasn’t done anything.” It’s like, “Oh, my god. You should have talked to her when she first called me,” and then you would understand this phone call better.

Janet: That was hard. It was hard. The first little while, it was hard. But then once I talked, well, I didn’t really even talk myself into it, it just kind of happened. It’s just like, if I am important to me, then I need to make this happen. And once I decided that then it was easy.

Dr. Deb: Decided what?

Janet: That I was important and that making meals for myself, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it was important.

Dr. Deb: Once you stopped thinking that you weren’t important.

Janet: Yeah, that was hard.

Dr. Deb: And that you weren’t important enough, really, because that was really at the bottom of it was your own worthiness of taking that time.

Janet: Yes. Yeah, everybody else was more important.

Dr. Deb: Everybody else was more important. So now, where are you on that? Because I think that’s something that a lot of people struggle with is who’s the most important, you know, like all these people pleasing them or pleasing myself? Tell me about that.

Janet: Well, that taking care of myself first, that’s a lot easier than to take care of everybody else. It’s not as much of a struggle. It’s a little bit easier even to do that because my brain isn’t foggy.

Dr. Deb: What do you mean your brain’s not fogging?

Janet: I’m not tired.

Dr. Deb: Why are you not tired?

Janet: Oh, because I’m eating more than once a day. 

Dr. Deb: Uh-huh.

Janet: I’m eating when I’m hungry, and I have a plan for it. So I don’t have to think about it when I’m not eating. I don’t have to think about it, and that frees me up to take care of everybody else at that time. And then when it’s time to take care of me, then I take care of me.

Dr. Deb: Right. So what you’re saying is that “When I learned,” and I’m just putting words in your mouth, so please tell me if I’m wrong, is that when you decided that you were more important, then it became much easier to take care of other people when you were filled up.

Janet: Yes, that is exactly correct.

Dr. Deb: Okay. And let me ask you this, just for everybody that’s listening, are you responsible for other people?

Janet: No. No, I’m not.

Dr. Deb: Please say something about that because we went through that too.

Janet: Right. Since I own my own business, I feel like I’m responsible for everybody—I felt like I was responsible for everybody’s happiness.

Dr. Deb: Uh-huh. 

Janet: About when they come in, you know, I got to do this, and this and this and this, and I got to do it fast. Now, I’ve delegated a lot of that to employees, and I don’t, I just don’t worry about it. I’m most important. I don’t worry about that part of my business any longer. I take care of what I need to take care of, and everything else flows exactly the way it’s supposed to automatically.

Dr. Deb: Okay, but it’s not like it’s falling from the sky. 

Janet: Oh, no. 

Dr. Deb: Right. So let’s just get really clear, like the automatic part is you change the way you thought about your business and your employees, and you knew that you really couldn’t control them. 

Janet: Yes. 

Dr. Deb: And all you have to do is control yourself.

Janet: Yes. And their happiness is their responsibility, not mine.

Dr. Deb: And has that helped your business or hurt it?

Janet: Oh, that’s helped a lot.

Dr. Deb: Oh, okay. So you’re more important?

Janet: Because, yes. Yes, and I can say “no.”

Dr. Deb: No, I don’t believe that.

Janet: I never was able to say “no” before. I can say “no” now. 

Dr. Deb: Oh, my god. 

Janet: “No, I cannot do that, that is too time consuming,” or “It’s just beyond my ability.” I don’t struggle with the no part. If I can’t do it, I can’t do it—and that’s that.

Dr. Deb: Oh, my gosh. Okay, so…

Janet: That’s a big thing for me.

Dr. Deb: You and I know that, but I just want everybody that’s listening to know that this is a woman who could not say no to anybody because she believed that she had to control everybody’s happiness and how they felt about her.

Janet: Oh, absolutely.

Dr. Deb: And now what you’re saying…

Janet: I remember that now.

Dr. Deb: Good.

Janet: I forgot about that.

Dr. Deb: Good. It’s like, you know, I think everybody should go back to the podcast, our first podcast interview, and I’ll put that in the notes, so people can listen to that, and then they’ll listen to this too. Because, I mean, it’s just to be able… Like, do you remember where you were when you first started? Can you remember that?

Janet: You know, I didn’t until now. It’s like, “Oh, gosh, I remember feeling like that. Holy smokes. I don’t feel like that anymore. That’s great.”

Dr. Deb: I know, but I think it’s important to remember enough so that you can appreciate all the work that you’ve done and where you’ve come from. I think that’s important. Because I think you can forget, and then you don’t give yourself as much credit.

Janet: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: Yeah. So let me ask you this. When we were working, you were doing food journals every day, not just for me, but for you, right?

Janet: Uh-huh.

Dr. Deb: So you can see what was going on, not just what you were eating, but what was going on, and if you were taking care of yourself. And it was kind of like a journal of what just happened in your day, right, around eating, if you were taking care of yourself or not. 

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: And then we also kept a mind-body chart, which was a chart that just reflected your mood, your energy, the type of pain that you had, what was going on in your mind. We measured that once we took flour and sugar out of your diet, so we could see how it affected you, mind, body, and soul. So what I want to know is, are you still keeping that? And are you still doing food journals?

Janet: I am only doing food journals when I find myself getting off track. When I say getting off track, I mean, I am in a habit of eating three meals a day. In the time, sometimes, it varies a little bit, but no sugar, no flour, and nothing in between the meals. But however, sometimes, I do get off that.

Dr. Deb: Why do you get off that? What happen?

Janet: Sometimes, I just don’t pay attention, or I get it with a group of people, and it’s some things that they have made, and I find myself, and I catch myself actually eating something, and I don’t beat myself up for it at all like I used to.

Dr. Deb: Uh-huh, but what do you find yourself doing?

Janet: But I find myself the next day, I don’t feel guilty about it, but I wonder, sometimes my body doesn’t feel right, and then I go back and go, “Okay, now I got to start journaling again just to see what I’m eating to see why my body feels the way it feels or why does my head feel that way. Why are my thoughts the way they are?” So then I will journal for three or four days to get myself back on track.

Dr. Deb: So do you find like, for instance, do you realize what got you off track?

Janet: Yeah. Yeah, I do. Falling back into life again. If I don’t pay attention, then it’s like, “You can get out of that habit real quick.”

Dr. Deb: Right. So that’s, yeah, that’s what I want everybody to pay attention to as I talk to you. Because it’s not like you’re not paying attention—you are paying attention. It’s just that you’re deciding to do something that’s, you already know what you’re doing. So one of the things that you mentioned earlier that would be a good time to bring it up is that, since you’re not eating your emotions, and since you’re not trying to please other people, and you’re not a workaholic anymore, I think what you said to me is maybe some more feelings are coming up.

Janet: Yeah, I’m finding myself with a little bit more time to myself, starting to get a little—well, honestly, starting—but I find myself lonely sometimes, like, “Hmm. My family’s not around.” Since I don’t work all the time, it’s like, “Oh, gosh. I’m with myself more.”

Dr. Deb: Yeah. 

Janet: So it’s like sometimes, I start feeling sorry for myself. 

Dr. Deb: Uh-huh. So I just think it’s so good that you’re bringing this up because this is exactly what’s supposed to happen is when you stop what we call buffering. In other words, when we use external sources to try to make ourselves feel better, which could be working and eating right. When we stop doing that, which is what you have stopped doing, guess what happens?

Janet: The next thing shows up. I have to deal with me.

Dr. Deb: You have to deal with you. And I know that when we first started talking, this was a big issue for you, is loneliness. 

Janet: Yeah. 

Dr. Deb: Right? But you didn’t have to feel it as much because you kept yourself either numbed or so busy that you didn’t have to feel it. 

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: Right. And now that you’re not doing that, you’re up against it; you’re up against an emotion. Now, my first question to you is this: What do you do when you feel lonely? Right now, what do you do when you feel lonely?

Janet: Well, does it happen more than once? 

Dr. Deb: I would bet. Uh-huh.

Janet: I started, yeah. I start, then I would watch a movie or something. Of course, just a distraction again. But I’ve start, now it’s okay. Just feel it, just cry if you need to cry. 

Dr. Deb: Uh-huh.

Janet: Just sit and feel it. And that’s not so easy there, sometimes.

Dr. Deb: Well, actually, that’s what you were staying away from for years. 

Janet: Yes. 

Dr. Deb: And it isn’t easy. You’re right. But living the life that you were living before—overworking, overeating—was not working either. 

Janet: No. 

Dr. Deb: So now, you’re left with the emotions. And I’m wondering how it might be able to help you, and because our emotions, we either change our thinking. So we really want to look at, for you, why you’re feeling lonely, what you’re thinking, and do you like your reason?

Janet: So, are you asking me what I’m feeling? 

Dr. Deb: No, I know you’re feeling lonely. And the reason that you told me that you’re lonely is because your family isn’t around. That’s one thought you have. What’s another thought you have that’s creating your loneliness?

Janet: Oh. Well, that everybody’s busy. Everybody’s busy with their own thing. 

Dr. Deb: Everybody is busy with their own thing. 

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Okay, so…

Janet: Well, there’s lots, actually, of stuff that I have right now.

Dr. Deb: I know. 

Dr. Deb: But I think it’s really interesting to look at for you because the only reason you feel—do you think you feel lonely? I want to give you a hint if you don’t know. 

Janet: I don’t know. Yeah. 

Dr. Deb: Because of what you’re thinking.

Janet: Well, yes.

Dr. Deb: Right? Well?

Janet: But I want to know why am I thinking that.

Dr. Deb: Well, it’s not so much to know why you’re thinking it, it’s more to think about is that what you want to be thinking? Because all the thoughts that you just told me, “Poor me, my family’s not around. Poor me, everybody is busy with their own thing.” Those are the thoughts that you’re choosing right now. And you understand when I say “choosing”?

Janet: Sure, yes.

Dr. Deb: Yeah, you should.

Janet: Absolutely.

Dr. Deb: You should. I’ve coached you enough.

Janet: Yes. I totally understand that. Yeah.

Dr. Deb: Right. Do you like those thoughts? Do they work for you?

Janet: Right? No, they don’t.

Dr. Deb: Right. So maybe, at least at this point, you know that your loneliness isn’t coming from you being single. 

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Are you with me on this? Because you being single is a fact, right? 

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Uh-huh. So that’s not causing the loneliness. That’s neutral. 

Janet: No. Right.

Dr. Deb: But your thoughts about being single might be, “My family’s not around, and it’s just me.” 

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: “Everybody’s busy with their own thing, and I’m all alone.” Tell me where I’m wrong.

Janet: Right? No, not at all. 

Dr. Deb: Okay. Those thoughts are very harmful, unless you like them. If you want to keep them, you can keep them and feel lonely. Because some feelings that we have, especially you remember, we are going through some feelings with you about your dad that passed away. 

Janet: Yes. 

Dr. Deb: And you had some thoughts that created such sadness, but it was really just that you missed them. 

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Right, and I don’t think you wanted to change that. You just needed to feel sad.

Janet: That I miss him?

Dr. Deb: Right? You miss him.

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: And that felt sad, and it was like okay with you. Like, you wanted to miss him. It was okay.

Janet: Right. Once I gave myself permission that it was okay.

Dr. Deb: Right. But do you want to give yourself permission to think, “Everybody is busy with their own thing. Poor me”?

Janet: No, not at all.

Dr. Deb: Do you want to give yourself permission to keep thinking, “Poor me. I’m all by myself, and my family isn’t around.”

Janet: Right? No.

Dr. Deb: Okay. So that’s the first step.

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Is you could just go from that thought to, “When I think everyone is busy with their own thing, it makes me feel lonely.” Because then you know that the only thing that has to change is your thinking. 

Janet: Right, right.

Dr. Deb: Because you’ve been believing that these thoughts, tell me where I’m wrong, we’re more like facts.

Janet: But some of them are facts.

Dr. Deb: What’s fact?

Janet: Like everybody else is busy. That’s a fact. 

Dr. Deb: Uh-hu. That is a thought.

Janet: They’re in their own life.

Dr. Deb: That is a thought. That is a thought. Come back to me. Come back to me.

Janet: My family’s many miles away. That’s a fact.

Dr. Deb: Your family is where they are. You could put that in the same line. But when you think, “My family isn’t around, and I’m all alone”?

Janet: Well, yes. That’s a thought.

Dr. Deb: That’s a thought. You can put in the same line that “My family lives wherever they live.” What do you want to think about that? Right now, what you’re thinking for me? You could put…

Janet: Sometimes.

Dr. Deb: Well, you just told me that.

Janet: Oh well, I just want to be clear that I don’t think that all the time, just when I’m by myself.

Dr. Deb: Yes. And what I’m saying to you is I understand, of course, you don’t think that all the time, right? 

Janet: Right, right.

Dr. Deb: Because there’s a lot of wonderful things going on and a lot of great thoughts that are going on, which is why you’re where you are. But only thing we want to look at is this loneliness that’s popping up in your head. And it’s when you’re alone, these are the thoughts that come to you.

Janet: Uh-huh.

Dr. Deb: And if you didn’t think them, you wouldn’t feel lonely.

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: Right? So is there anything else that you would like to just start to think that might make you feel a little less lonely when you’re by yourself? Because you’re not the only one that’s by yourself, right?

Janet: Right, right. 

Dr. Deb: Right. 

Janet: Well, no. Right. There’s a lot of times I like being by myself.

Dr. Deb: Exactly. So it’s only when these thoughts come up that you don’t like being by yourself. 

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: You get me? 

Janet: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. 

Dr. Deb: Right. And so maybe what you want to do is, you know how you talk to yourself?

Janet: Right?

Dr. Deb: Maybe you want to talk to yourself a little bit about these thoughts.

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: You know, like, “Sweetheart, I don’t know that everybody is busy and doing their own thing.”

Janet: Right. Uh-huh.

Dr. Deb: It’s like sometimes people are doing something that they’re doing, and sometimes they’re not. But what does that have to do with you being lonely or not?

Janet: Right? Yes, I understand that. Yeah.

Dr. Deb: Yeah. So I just think for now, and for people that are listening, is whenever you feel any emotion, number one, you have to decide if you like your thought for thinking it. And for you, you really aren’t real crazy about these thoughts, right? 

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: Right. 

Janet: Not at all.

Dr. Deb: So that, so you know that they’re up for change. And the change could be is that, “I could believe I could stop believing that everybody is busy with their own thing.”

Janet: I believe. But I believe that. That’s the funny part. They are busy, whatever

Dr. Deb: I could stop believing.

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: I already know you believe it. 

Janet: I believe in that. 

Dr. Deb: “I could stop thinking that. I could stop thinking that everybody is busy with their own thing, and I’m all alone.”

Janet: Right, and I know that intellectually.

Dr. Deb: I know. When you think that thought, does it make you feel less lonely?

Janet: Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Dr. Deb: That’s how you know it’s working, because it changes the feeling. Because really, if you’re feeling lonely, the best thing that you could do is either connect with somebody else or reconnect with yourself. But it’s really hard to do that when it feels, you know, so negative that the only thing you want to do is just kind of stay within yourself and become more lonely.

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: So when you think the thought…

Janet: And then…

Dr. Deb: Yeah, go ahead.

Janet: I was just gonna say it’s easier. It’s easy, yet it’s hard. Yet it’s so hard. 

Dr. Deb: Exactly,

Janet: When you’re in it, it’s hard to do; but it isn’t.

Dr. Deb: Well, you’ve done it many times, right?

Janet: Yes, yes. That’s what I was gonna say. It’s like, yeah, I know, I’ve done it. I’ve done it with so many other things.

Dr. Deb: There’s so many other thoughts. And this is just…

Janet: There’s so many other thoughts. Yeah.

Dr. Deb: Uh-huh, and this is just another one. 

Janet: Yeah. 

Dr. Deb: Uh-huh, and it’s in your way. Because when you believe and think that everybody is busy with their own thing, and it makes you feel lonely, what you end up doing is probably staying more to yourself, and you don’t reach out to people. 

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: And of course, if you stay by yourself, and you don’t reach out to people, your result is going to be, is that you’re not going to be with anybody else,  and it’s going to look like everybody is busy.

Janet: Yes. Law of attraction is as great as this.

Dr. Deb: Of course, and it’s also…

Janet: That it’s exactly what happens. 

Dr. Deb: That it’s exactly what happens, and it’s also the way the model works, right? When you think…

Janet: Yes.

Dr. Deb: “That everybody is busy with their own thing. Poor me.” You create your own result that will reflect that thought. 

Janet: Yes. 

Dr. Deb: Now, we’ve done a lot of coaching together. So I just want everybody to see that no matter where you are in this journey, stuff always comes up because you always have a mind that is constantly looking around. Is that helpful for you?

Janet: Yes, absolutely.

Dr. Deb: Does it remind you of some other thoughts that you might have had in the past?

Janet: Yes, the things that I forgot about.

Dr. Deb: Exactly. It’s like, you know, “I don’t have time to plan. What are you talking about? I’m way too busy.” That was your thought. 

Janet: Yeah, like that one.

Dr. Deb: “I’m way too busy.” And when you thought about how busy you are, you felt so overwhelmed. 

Janet: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: You couldn’t do anything for yourself.

Janet: Yes. Uh-huh.

Dr. Deb: That’s exactly how this thought is. When you think everybody is busy with their own thing, and “Poor me,” you create it. 

Janet: Yep. 

Dr. Deb: So you might even be able to go as you keep working this, which you will, you might be able to go to the next step, that, “If I really want to be with somebody else, I can.”

Janet: I can. Uh-huh.

Dr. Deb: Because you’re making it sound like it’s out in the cosmos.

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: When in reality, the way that you’re with somebody else is you reach out to somebody.

Janet: Right? Now there’s a thought.

Dr. Deb: That’s a thought. But you can’t get to that thought when you were holding on like your favorite pet in the whole world. “Everybody is so busy with their own thing, and let me just tell you that is the fact.” You’re trying to convince me that’s a fact. And you’re with me now that that’s a thought, right? 

Janet: Yeah, that’s a thought.

Dr. Deb: That you made up. 

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: Right. And that you want to hold on to.

Janet: Not really.

Dr. Deb: Well, you thought you did?

Janet: Well, yeah. I’m not in control of what everybody else does, so…

Dr. Deb: So?

Janet: So you have to let that go.

Dr. Deb: So do you think you can start letting go of it? 

Janet: Uh-huh. 

Dr. Deb: Right? That’s how it starts. And you know, you either start with either the thought like, “I can stop believing anytime I want. that everybody is busy with their own thing.” You could think, “I think everybody is busy with their own thing,” which absolutely changes everything. 

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Or you can think, “If I want to be with somebody, it is up to me.”

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: Sometimes, other people decide to be with you. 

Janet: Right.

Dr. Deb: It’s up to you to decide to be with them, missy. The one that calls her own sharks are the people pleaser.

Janet: Right? And that is a great thought. 

Dr. Deb: I know. And here’s the beauty of all of this, for you and everybody that’s listening, is that when you have more time for yourself, which is what’s happening to you, and more emotions come up if you’re willing to look at them and examine them, just like we’re doing right now, you will end up with aha moments that will take your life to a new place. Because that’s what that’s open for that you haven’t been willing to look at. You’ve been eating and working.

Janet: Very true. Very true.

Dr. Deb: So I just can’t wait to talk to you again in another three or four months.

Janet: Ha.

Dr. Deb: Because I think this is just as good for you as for everybody that’s listening is to this journey that we’re on. Right? Because it’s not just about losing the weight, right?

Janet: No,

Dr. Deb: It’s about managing your mind.

Janet: Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Deb: And the more you stop buffering—buffering, meaning using food not to feel your emotions, using work not to feel your emotions, using whatever it is that’s an outside source not to feel your emotions—when you stop doing that, you are ending up with yourself in your brain. 

Janet: Uh-huh.

Dr. Deb: And as you can find out, the more you’re with yourself, the more you see your thinking. 

Janet: Yeah. 

Dr. Deb: And when you see your thinking, you get to decide. You get to write your thoughts down, and then you get to decide, “Is that working for me or not? Is it true or not?” And sometimes, you can’t do it by yourself because really, you really believed everybody is busy with their own thing.

Janet: Right. 

Dr. Deb: You couldn’t see it for a thought.

Janet: Yes, absolutely.

Dr. Deb: Yes. So I think this is just so beautiful, everybody. Janet, it was so good to talk to you. I am so proud of you.

Janet: Thank you. I appreciate that.

Dr. Deb: Yeah. Are there any last words of wisdom that you would like to share with my audience?

Janet: Oh, boy. Well, it’s definitely a step-by-step journey, for sure, but that one well worth it. I wish I would have— no, I take that back.

Dr. Deb: You caught yourself.

Janet: I would have known this 30 years ago, but you know it is what it is.

Dr. Deb: Yeah.

Janet: That’s just the thought. 

Dr. Deb: You caught yourself. Right.

Janet: And yes, I’m glad. I’m glad that I am where I am now.

Dr. Deb: Yeah. And it’s really in all perfect timing. 

Janet: It is. It really is.

Dr. Deb: It’s an amazing time for you. I can’t wait to see what you do next because of everything. Really because of the amount of space that you’ve opened up in your mind to create whatever it is that you want to create. You couldn’t do it before because you were working too hard and eating too much. 

Janet: Yes. 

Dr. Deb: And now that space is available. 

Janet: Yes. I’m pretty excited myself.

Dr. Deb:  I am very excited for you. You’re definitely coming on in about another 90 days, and you’re going to tell us what’s up. Okay?

Janet: Okay. 

Dr. Deb: Thank you, Janet, for being on. I love talking to you.

Janet: Yeah, I love talking to you. Thank you. 

Dr. Deb: You’re welcome.

Dr. Deb Butler: Well, pretty interesting, huh? Now, this is what I want to bring up to you about Janet, some of the things that I noticed, and I’m not sure if you did or you didn’t, but I want to really make it clear to you. She really—and I think a lot of you as you keep on this journey of continuing to lose weight and lose the burden of your thinking as you’re losing the weight—you can see with her is that she lost pounds of burden while she was working with me.

Learned how to change her thinking, learned how to value herself, learned how to say “no”, learned how to know that what she was thinking was so much more important than what other people were thinking, but that stuff comes up. And that the most important thing that I hope that you got from that interview is that when you stop overeating or overworking, which for her was both, more emotions come up. And of course, that’s what she was trying to avoid the whole time. So, of course, it would be only natural that this would happen, so I’m so glad she brought it up so you could see it because it’s going to happen with you too. If you stop buffering and using external sources, food, work, the internet, you’re left with yourself, as Janet said. 

So what I want you to really take from this is that the journey never ends because your mind never stops. Right? So it doesn’t matter if you’re through losing weight, you’re in the middle of it, you still have your mind to deal with, and you still have to clean it up. And I will tell you what, the key for cleaning up your mind is the key class that I want to teach to you on April 15, at 10 o’clock Central, and it’s going to be like a webinar, so you’ll be able to see me, you’ll be able to answer questions, but I am going to take you through how to work your own mind, how to coach your own mind, by teaching you the model on how your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results. 

And if you saw me coaching Janet in this podcast, hopefully, what you saw is you saw me doing that with her. Because did you hear how she was telling me in the end that she’s left with loneliness, which of course, is a feeling, and that the main thought that was causing her loneliness was the thought that everybody is busy with their own thing, poor Janet. That’s really the thought that she was believing, and she thought it was a fact: that everybody is busy.

But what she learned as I was coaching her is it was just such a strong thought that she believed so much that was causing her loneliness, that it was actually keeping her from meeting other people. Because the thought was everybody’s so busy with their own thing, and it created loneliness for her, the feeling. And when the feeling created loneliness, the action or the non-action was staying at home by herself, watching TV, and not connecting with other people. And of course, the result of that was is that she didn’t, she wasn’t with anybody else, and she kept believing her own thought that everybody was too busy. She didn’t give them a chance to say no. That’s the model. That’s what I want to teach you, how to do that. You heard me coach her; you can do that yourself. 

I’m going to show you how to do it on April 15, at 10 o’clock Central. All you need to do is go to drdebbutler.com/everything. It’s a very inexpensive class with unbelievable material that will change your freaking mind. And of course, anything that changes your mind changes your life. So go on over to drdebbutler.com/everything, and sign up. And of course, as always, I’m not leaving without telling you, I know, go and sign up for this class, and when you’re doing it, you had better, better, better talk to yourself nicely. Tell yourself how much you deserve it. This is something you really deserve. And of course, be very, very kind to yourself. And I’ll talk to you next week. Bye-bye.

Dr. Michael Butler: If you’re ready to take your eating issues to another, higher, more improved level, well, it’s time to talk to my wife, Dr. Deborah. She’s helped hundreds and thousands of people. Just visit drdebbuter.com/workwithme. You’ll get a free consultation with Dr. Deb, and find out if coaching and talking to my wife is a solution to your struggles.