Ep 157: How to Manage Your Weight During Menopause

Dr. Deborah Butler: Welcome to Thinner Peace and Menopause and Beyond. This is Dr. Deb Butler, master life and weight coach. And as always, your coach. Today is episode number 157. I want to talk to you specifically about menopause. Yeah, you heard me menopause. Stay tuned.

Hi, everybody. How are you today? I hope you’re doing as well as I’m doing. I’m very excited. Do you know why? I’m getting ready to teach a class. I haven’t done a webinar in a while. I’ve been doing just all individual coaching and I love it. But you know, I kind of miss being in a group.

And so, I really wanted to do something that I think that would make a huge impact on all of my listeners. Because I have a lot of you, I know, who listen, and use my tools, and maybe never set up a mini session with me. Or maybe you can’t afford to do individual coaching with me or maybe you don’t want to do individual coaching with me. Or maybe you have a lot of reasons. But this is what I know for sure, if I do something really inexpensive but still a price on it, and I teach you something unforgettable, and I think teaching it in person where you can see me will have a different impact than when I’m on the podcast talking to you.

So I was thinking, “How can I make the biggest impact for the least amount of money for the most amount of people?” This is what I came up with.

The Key to Everything, that is the webinar that I am doing on April 15th at 10 o’clock central. And I want as many of you to be there as possible because I’m not going to do this very much. But I am teaching the tool that I believe that if you really get what I’m teaching, you will have the key to everything. And I’m not over emphasizing this. I know this sounds kind of corny. But if you talk to my clients who have worked with me through a total program, 99% of them are going to tell you the thing that made all the difference was this thing that I’m going to teach you, which is called the model.

And the model is just a simple term for how I believe your mind works, how the universe works, and how you can create what you want by being mindful of what’s going on in your mind. And you’ve heard me talking about this, I know this is not new to you. And I know a lot of you really, really like it. But if you get on this webinar with me, I think you will really get it. You really got nothing to lose. I’ll tell you that much.

But I want to talk to you today. I want to use this model in relationship to menopause today because I want to show you how it works. Because I know a lot of you that listen to me are going through menopause, you’re in your 50s, late 40s. I know a lot of you are older and younger. But for most of you, that’s where you are. And of course, that’s where I was when I started this whole journey. And I want to show you how your mind creates things for you, you know, the way the model works. I really want to show that to you, because if you can get it, you can change everything.

So, when I talk about the model for those of you if you’ve never listened to me before, the model is made up of five components. And those five components are: number one, the circumstance. And circumstances are always at the top of your model. And if you have my companion workbook, you can be looking at the model, which is on page 42 of my companion workbook, which shows you how the model looks and how it works. But if you don’t have it, first you have a circumstance or a C. And the circumstance is just a fact, a fact that can be proven in court.

And let me tell you what, when you understand the difference between a fact and a thought, you are going to rock your world. Because I will tell you, most of you don’t know the difference. I know 10, 12, 15 years ago, I know I didn’t know the difference and the stories that I would tell myself was made up of just thoughts. And that’s basically what you’re doing and you believe you’re telling a story with all facts.

So we always start our model with the C, which is a circumstance, which is a fact, which can be proven in court. It’s a sunny day because the sun is out. It’s raining because rain is coming down. It can be proven in court, everybody agrees.

Now that circumstance is neutral, which means there’s no emotion associated with it, because it’s just a fact. Right? Okay. So first you have your C or your circumstance. Now your C or your circumstance will trigger a T, or a thought. And a thought is just a sentence in your head that’s triggered by the circumstance or the fact. Right?

So let’s say it’s a sunny day and you think, “Oh, I’m so happy when it’s sunny.” Right there, you create an emotion of happiness, which is the T or the thought, which is the sentence in your head that’s triggered by a C or a circumstance then creates an F or a feeling. And the feeling is happy. And it’s an emotion, and it’s one word, and it’s a vibration in your body.

So you have a C, which is a circumstance, which is a fact, which is neutral, that triggers a T or a thought, which is a sentence in your head, about the C. And then that thought, that sentence in your head, then creates a feeling, an F, which is one word, which is the vibration in your body. And that F, or that feeling, that causes an A or an action or a non action—what you do when you feel a certain emotion.

So for instance, if it’s a sunny day, which is a C, and I’m so happy that it’s sunny, which makes me feel happy. And when I feel happy in my A line, I might be a lot nicer to people. I might talk really nice to myself, I might go out and work out a lot longer. My actions are caused by my feelings, right? Okay. So what you do or you don’t do is you’re A line and then your A line causes an R or a result. Your actions always cause an effect, or an R, or a result. Right? If you don’t like your result, the problem is because, not the action, not what you did, it’s what caused you to do what you did, which is always the thought and the feeling.

And so many of us want to just change our A line. We just, “Tell me what to do. Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.” But it’s really hard to do it in the A line, if you have a really negative emotion. It just doesn’t work. It won’t stick. Let’s put it that way.

Now, the interesting thing about your result is that it will always create evidence for your thinking. So when you think, “When it’s sunny, I’m happy,” in the result line, you prove it by doing all of these great things. And you create the result of being happy when it’s sunny, which might make you believe that whenever the sun comes out, you’re happy. You might actually—if you didn’t know the model, you might think that the reason that you’re happy is because it’s sunny. Because of the circumstance, right? And once you understand the model, you realize the sun’s got nothing to do with your happiness. It’s your T, it’s what’s coming out of your mind that’s creating happiness.

And that’s a really simple scenario. But it’s so important to see it. So many people say, “Oh, it’s raining. And you know what that means? I just can’t get up today. I can’t do anything. It’s the rain.” It’s not the rain, the rain is just a fact. It’s neutral. It’s what you think about it. Be careful what you think.

According to the model, it creates everything. And guess what? The only thing you’re in control of is your thinking. You are not in control of circumstances. If you can control the weather, you’ve got to let me know how you do it. If you can control your husband, you gotta let me know how you do it. Because husbands, and what they say and what they do, or wives, what they say or what they do, they’re in the C line. Neutral. It’s just a fact. You go to court, that’s what happened. There’s no emotion until you think they disrespected me. As soon as you think that thought, you create a feeling and it will not be a happy feeling, it will be a feeling of anger, right?

And if you don’t understand the way this model works, you’re going to believe that what they said is what created your feelings. But what you’re going to learn when you work with me in my webinar, and how I’m talking to you right now, is that when you get this, nobody can cause your feelings anymore. You decide, you always have, you just didn’t know. The only person in control of your feelings is you.

But on the downside for some of you, that means you can’t control other people’s feelings either. So if you’re an approval whore, excuse my language, but if you’re somebody out there who loves other people to approve of you, and you like to do things to get approval, you’re thinking that you can create and control other people’s feelings by what you do, you can’t do that according to the model. I’m going to show you all of that in this webinar. It will really, it’ll make you laugh. And it’ll also make you feel powerful. Because the power is within you, it’s not within the circumstance.

So I wanted to use the model and then show you how it works with menopause. Since I talked to so many women who are in menopause, one of the things, one of the thoughts that they have a lot is, “I can’t lose weight anymore.” I know I had that thought, for sure. I hit menopause, and I go to Weight Watchers, and all the things that I used to do, I couldn’t lose the weight. It was really hard. And so actually, it wasn’t that I couldn’t lose the weight. The C line was, it was just much slower. And so I decided I can’t lose weight anymore, which is what happens with a lot of you.

So if the circumstance is menopause, right, that’s just a fact. There’s no emotion to it. It’s neutral, you’re in menopause. And the thought is, and follow me here with this model, I’m giving you the components, menopause triggers a thought that I can’t lose weight anymore. As soon as you think that thought about menopause, it creates a feeling. For some of you, for me, it was scared. The thought of not being able to lose weight and having to stay where I was, scared me. Scares a lot of you because of all the things that you have attached to your weight, which all are things that need to be worked out too.

But for the purpose of this exercise, when you think “I can’t lose weight anymore,” it creates a feeling of scared. And when you feel scared, which is the F, it creates actions—what you do or what you don’t do. Now, one of the things that I think that happens—that when you think you can’t lose weight anymore and you feel scared, in the A line, one of the things you do is you start overeating. Right? Because you feel scared, you don’t like the emotion.

And so you overeat, maybe you don’t stick to your plan, maybe you eat foods that you normally even wouldn’t even eat. And then maybe in the A line, you beat yourself up for eating the foods that you don’t want to be eating and telling yourself that you can’t control yourself. That’s all in the A line. Those are all the things that you do when you feel scared, when you think the thought “I can’t lose weight anymore” about menopause.

And guess what the result of overeating and not sticking to your plan is? You’re right. The result is: number one, you probably don’t lose weight. Number two, you may gain weight. Right? That’s the result of those actions. And then if we look at the thought, which is “I can’t lose weight anymore,” you create evidence for that thinking. Do you see that? This is what’s so great about looking at the model.

Now, if it’s not really clear to you, because I’m just talking it through to you, then being on the webinar with me is going to help because you’re going to see me working this on paper, which many times makes a huge difference. At least I know it does for my clients. But for some of you, I know you get really excited about this.

So here’s the deal. Menopause is a fact, you’re not going to be able to control menopause. It is going to come. You may not want it, or you may want it. It really doesn’t matter. It’s coming. It’s a fact. You’re going to go through it if you’re a woman. Okay? So the only thing that you have power over is what you want to think.

So here’s the thought that I ended up with and these are the thoughts that my clients end up with, in one way or another, as they start working on their mind is this thought, “I’m going to do whatever it takes to make this the last time I ever have to lose weight again.” It’s just a thought. But think of the power of that thought, if you can really believe it. And I have to tell you that when you’re creating new thoughts, you’re trying them on like you’re trying on a dress. If it doesn’t fit, you can’t use it.

But with the coaching that I do, we can usually get to the point of a thought like this, the “I’m going to do whatever it takes.” Because all the tools are here, I teach you all the tools. So if you’re willing to really learn those tools and do whatever it takes, you will make this the last time. And when you think that thought, it makes you feel determined. And when you feel determined, guess what happens from determination? You really stay connected to your body. You eat when you’re hungry, you stop when you’re full. You decide what you’re going to eat, and you don’t eat what you say you’re not going to eat. Why? Because you feel determined, because you think this is the last time you’re ever going to do this again, Menopause then becomes a transformation time.

Do you see that? And then, of course, the result of staying on your plan, staying connected to your body, is that you make this the last time. And you do everything, right? In the result line, you do it, and you get it. It’s evidence for the thought that I’m going to do whatever it takes to make this the last time.

Now there’s so many thoughts that you can think about menopause. Now a lot of the ones that I hear are thoughts that create really negative emotion, you got to watch it. Menopause is not creating these emotions, you are, by your mind. So I want you to start watching your mind this week before the webinar of your thoughts about menopause. And just at least if you don’t change them, just ask yourself this question. Is it serving me? Is this thought serving me? And if it’s not serving you, you have to know that it’s possible to change it. And you know what? That is very good news for you.

So listen, if you haven’t done it, please go to my website, drdebbutler.com/everything. And sign up for this very inexpensive webinar that I don’t do very often. I would love to meet you, talk to you, and maybe even coach you. So the doors are closing, April 12th at midnight. So please go do it. I will keep these doors open as long as there is space. So if you’re thinking about it, or if you’re on the fence, get off the fence, and sign up.

And listen, no matter what else you do, no matter what else you do, and think about this when I tell it to you, you know what I’m going to say. But you have to know that it’s a thought. When I tell you to be very, very kind to yourself, when you have the thought, “I want to be very, very kind to myself,” and you really believe that, it fits when you think it, then it will create a feeling of compassion. And how you treat yourself from compassion is so different when you treat yourself from a very negative place. So you see the model is always working. Okay, so until next week, please be very, very kind to yourself. Bye bye

Dr. Michael Butler: To get a free copy of Dr. Deb’s companion workbook, with all the tools homeworks and discussions that she uses in her podcast with our private clients, please go to drdebbutler.com/change. This will make it even easier to follow along with her in future broadcasts.