Ep 166: The #1 Reason Why Eating Food Just for Fun Is No Fun!

Dr. Deborah Butler: Welcome to Thinner Peace and Menopause and Beyond. This is Dr. Deb Butler, master life and weight coach. And as always, your coach. Today’s episode number 166. I want to talk to you about why food is not for fun. Let me give you some really good reasons why food is not for fun. Stay tuned.

Hey everybody, how are you today? I am not here in sunny Belize. I am not here in hot St. Louis, Missouri. I am here in sunny Tampa, Florida visiting my very, very best friend of 40 years. And hey, it’s podcast time and wherever I am, I always make sure that every single Tuesday you get a new podcast. I don’t care what I’m doing, I don’t care where I am, I always make sure you get another podcast. That’s a commitment to myself. And that’s a commitment to you that I always keep. You can depend on me, which makes me talk about you and your commitments to yourself. And what you make that mean, because I’ll tell you what, nothing feels better than honoring your own commitments to yourself. Think about that.

And when we think about commitments, we think about what we’re going to do, and how we’re going to treat ourselves, and what we promised ourselves. And don’t ever promise yourself something that you don’t think you can keep. If you already know you can’t keep it, don’t say it to yourself. Because then you’re going to feel bad because you didn’t do it. You got to know upfront what you’re willing to do and what you’re not willing to do. And then it feels so good to follow through. That’s how these podcasts are for me. There is no way, Jose, that I am ever going to miss a podcast with you unless there is no way I can pick up a microphone and talk. And so far, over a year, that has never happened. And I’m really, really proud of myself for that.

But hey, I digress just a little bit, because what I want to talk to you about today is not only honoring your own commitments to yourself, but also what you think to yourself when you think about eating. Of course, that’s what I talk about every week is what you think and why you eat. I got a really interesting letter from one of my podcast listeners that I want to read to you today. And it has to do with what the topic of this podcast is, which is, why do you make food one of your fun activities? And she really put it so well in her letter.

So many of you think that eating when you’re not hungry is a fun activity. So many of you think that eating when you’re not hungry, is a reward that you give yourself. So many of you think that giving yourself a treat, a non nutritious food, when you’re not hungry is a treat. Now, you know, I’m all about joy eating. So I’m really not talking about that. You know what I’m talking about—too many non-nutritious foods, when you’re not hungry. And telling yourself either you deserve it, or you’ve had a hard day, or “let’s go in the pantry and look for treats” for you, like a dog with treats. As if you’re going to get some great reward for giving yourself a treat. And you all know, there is no reward for treating yourself to food when you’re not hungry.

And it really brings me to this letter that I received from a listener just a couple days ago. She’s somebody that I did a mini session with. She heard me on Bold New Mom. And she’s been following my podcast ever since, and she’s not in menopause, which is fine. Any of you who are not in menopause and listening, you’re welcome. Because hey, why wait 20 to 30 years of everything that I’m talking about, when you can stop all this nonsense now? I welcome you to this podcast, believe me. Most of the things that I talk about are just as relevant to your mind as it is to a mind that’s 20 to 30 years older. The only thing is, is that a 20 or 30 year older mind has struggled much, much longer, and is even more frustrated than you are. So maybe a little bit more motivated. And of course, when you start going through menopause, your body does not react the same as it does when you’re 30. So if you’re already struggling in your 30s, don’t think that in your 50s it’s gonna get easier because it does not. The only thing that needs to change is what goes on in that brain of yours. And that’s what this podcast is all about.

So let’s talk a little bit about food and fun. The two F words. Why do you think that eating is fun? So let me tell you some of the reasons that I used to think eating was fun. I used to think that if I went on vacation, eating was the most fun part of my vacation. Yes, really. Now when I go on vacation, that’s not really true. Not that I don’t look forward to trying new foods, different restaurants, all about, I still like it. But I don’t make the eating part the central part of anything.

Because number one, I have to eat to fuel my body no matter where I am. And so do you. I don’t care if you’re on vacation. I don’t care if you’re out to dinner for a big celebration. I don’t care if you’re celebrating somebody’s birthday. In the end, you have to fuel your body or it will not work. Now, if you want to make food more than that, that is up to you. But this podcast is about keeping food where it belongs, okay? It’s not in the fun category, it is in the “I have to eat in order to live” category.

And that does not mean that whenever you eat, you can’t enjoy the food that you’re eating. I just mean that you can’t eat for fun, if you’re not hungry. There’s no fun in that if you really think about it, because for all of you that I talk to, who say, “It’s just part of what I do for fun,” then I say to you and tell me why you’re talking to me now. Is this fun? I mean, talking to me, is kind of funny. It’s kind of fun. I mean, because I help you see things and we do it in a fun way. But you’re suffering and that’s why you want to talk to me because you don’t like what you see yourself doing. You don’t like gaining weight if you’re eating for no darn good reason, other than fun.

So I want to read a letter that one of my listeners wrote. And it’s more of a success letter, which I’m really happy to say. I’m getting a lot of those too, because I’ve had so many podcasts that there’s a lot of people now that have been, I have 77, there’s people who are losing weight, there are people more than losing weight. There are people that are ending their suffering about this food and body thing.

And I will tell you what it is epidemic, about food. I am telling you. I knew myself when I went through this so that was a problem and I know weight is an issue for women. But honest to goodness, not ‘till after years of doing this, the more I do this, the more I realize how much what I do is needed. And that I am not doing enough, and I don’t know if there is enough that I can do, because of what is going on through all of your heads. All the suffering about your own body, all the suffering about what you make potato chips mean. For me, potato chips, potato chips are just potato chips. But when you make a meaning, “Oh my god, they’re so good. There’s so much fun. Oh my god. And not only that, when I eat them, I can’t stop.” You know how many people say that to me about food?

What do you do when you eat something that you can’t stop eating? Okay, first of all, that’s a thought—“I can’t stop eating potato chips.” As long as you think that thought, you will keep eating potato chips. Okay, but I’m really not talking about that now. I’m talking more about the idea and the thought of what you think that food is going to do for you. And when I’m telling you that the most important thing the food is going to do for you is it’s going to keep you alive, that’s the most important thing.

When you have food in the fun category as “I have to eat food in order to have fun,” this podcast is for you. So what I want to do is I want to read you a letter that I got from one of my listeners. I know I went off the track just a little bit. Nothing new there, right? You’ve heard me before. But here I want to read this to you, and then I want to talk about it a little bit.

This is what she says. “I just wanted to share something with you. I’ve been listening to your podcast from the beginning. In Episode 13…” And you all, if you haven’t heard episode 13 in a while, you might want to go back to it because I think it’s all about this topic. Anyway, she says, “I think that was the one, episode 13, and it was life changing for me.” You know, I love that. “My husband was going away for a couple of days and my old thoughts would say, ‘Okay, what can I do for fun while he is gone?’ Usually I would buy crappy processed food for supper and then get a whole bunch of yummy treats.” There’s that treat thing again, yummy treats.

“And just eat crap and watch TV all night. And I would really look forward to this. You challenged me in your podcast to go deeper and ask what is the feeling and the thoughts as to why I do this. I came up with that thought that I would be bored without him and lonely. So I needed something to feel my night and I wanted to have fun. I just happened to listen to podcast number 13 that morning, as he was leaving, and it changed the result of my next two evenings without him. Instead of buying crappy food, I planned a phone call with a girlfriend. And the next night, I planned a fun workout that I really enjoy doing. So thank you for the work that you do.”

Do you love that? I love it. I love getting letters from you guys. I really do. It is so fulfilling to know that one less person is suffering today and working on their own thinking of their mind. Because really, you see that what she used to think was that, “Oh, my husband is leaving. I’m going to be so bored and so lonely.” Her brain just comes up with this fantastic idea of, “Hey, I know what we’ll do. We’ll go grocery shopping, and we’ll buy the most crappy processed food that tastes delicious. And then we’ll buy more, and we’ll just eat all night long, and watch TV. And we’ll have so much fun and before you know it, hubby will be home.”

And of course, the result of that is you’re very unhappy with yourself because you feel bad from eating all that food. And you also feel bad because you’re treating yourself so badly. And you’re also feeling bad because you want to lose weight and this is no way to lose weight. This is no way to be fit. And more than anything else, this is not a way to have a fit mind.

So when I talk to you about getting fit, I’m not talking about your body getting fit. I’m talking about your mind getting fit too. And this is a woman who is going to, no doubt, have a different result by what she did. That’s what she’s talking about, about the different result, do you think she felt good about herself after this? Yes. Do you think that she felt better, and actually had more fun talking to a girlfriend and doing a workout that she enjoyed? It was absolutely fun. And the more that she starts thinking this way, the more her brain will just start automatically thinking this way. Because what’s happened to her, and I believe this is not a girl that’s in menopause, a woman that’s in menopause yet, which I’m so happy about. That she doesn’t have to wait 20 years, that she can just start doing this now. By the time she’s in menopause, she’ll be free.

But here’s the thing, right now she’s starting to rethink. She’s starting to become aware, by my podcast, which is what my podcasts are for, are for you to help think about what you’re thinking about. And not just let thoughts just run through your mind as “my husband’s leaving, it’s time to have fun.” As if that is just a fact of life. “The sky is blue. My husband is leaving. It’s time to eat as much crap as I can and have some fun. And then when he comes back, I’ll tell him what a fat pig I am and how bad I feel about myself.” You know, that’s what’s gonna happen.

And instead, she has got this feeling of pride. Enough pride that she wants to tell me about it. She’s proud of herself. But if she keeps believing these kinds of thoughts, because number one, the result is much better. Right? She gets a much better result for treating food in this way, and for thinking about food in this way, and deciding what else would be fun other than eating crappy food all night long. So her brain thought of some stuff. It made her feel different, it made her feel more empowered. She went and she did different things. And the result was that not only did she feel better about herself, she felt more empowered. And it also makes her want to think it more.

So, she starts believing and starts thinking about, “Well, what is fun?” Right? Have food and eating when you’re not hungry, and eating bad food, eating food that isn’t going to do anything good for me other than tastes good. And that’s a whole another podcast too. Just because something tastes good, doesn’t mean you have to eat it all. Just because something tastes good, doesn’t mean you have to eat until you’re plus 10. Do you know how many people say that? “Oh, it tastes so good. I just have to eat it all.” Same thing. “Oh, it’s so much fun. I’m just gonna eat it all night long because this is part of my fun and entertainment.” This listener has decided there’s no fun in that because she thought about it.

She recognized what she was thinking. That’s what I’m asking you to do. That’s the number one secret, the number one reason of why eating food just for fun is no fun. Because there is no healthy result from that. It isn’t really fun in the end. What you really want is you don’t want to eat, she says crappy, so I’ll say it, processed food for fun and feel really bad two days later when her husband comes home. When she could feel proud and be on the way to not only a more healthy fit body, but also a healthy fit mind by thinking differently.

The more that she starts seeing that and thinking that, the more her brain will automatically bring it up for her. So right now, her brain has been wired to think, “Hubby’s going away. Let’s have fun, let’s eat.” Right? And without becoming mindful and aware of it, the brain just says it, pretty soon she’s doing it. Now that she stopped and interrupted that process with a different thought and a different result, she’s more apt to do it again. It still takes mindfulness. Because the first thought that will probably still come into her head first is, “Food is fun. Food is fun. Hubby’s leaving, let’s go have fun.” But if she is aware of it again, because she will be now that she’s experienced it, she will interrupt it with these, “What else can I do to have fun?” And more and more things will start appearing. And she will write me more and more letters. And I’ll read it to you because it’s so exciting. But that’s what will happen.

So if you’re looking to really have some fun in your life, then I want you to start recognizing those thoughts that you’re thinking. That you’re thinking is like, “The sky is blue, and food is fun.” And I want you to do what my podcast listener did. And I want you to interrupt it and go, “What really would be fun for me that would give me a much better result?” And that is the number one thing that you can do to start changing the thought, that food is fun.

Because you know what? There is no fun about eating non nutritious food when you’re not hungry. There is no fun in it. Because you’ll never get what you really, really want. And if you want a thin, and healthy, and fit, mind and body, then this is the way that you start. Find the thought that’s causing you what you don’t want. Change the thought into something that is so much more real, and true, and believable. Don’t forget that, it has to be believable. You just can’t come up with a pretty thought. Like, “Oh, I just love exercising. It’s the most fun thing in the whole world.” If you think exercise is the worst thing and it’s drudgery, you can’t come up with that pretty thought. She came up with thoughts that were believable for her, and that’s what made it easier for her to do. So you must know that you have to do the same thing.

So if you’re noticing that you’re thinking thoughts like she was, like, “Oh, I’m going to be bored. Oh, I’m going to be lonely. And I’m just going to feed myself.” Once you see it, then you get to decide, is this what I want to believe? And you already know the answer is no. So once you know that, that awareness alone will stop you in your tracks. It will. And then you get to decide, what else can I think and believe that will give me a better result?

Now you see what our podcast listener did? She came up with different thoughts, and different feelings, and different results. That’s what I want you to do. That is my challenge to you this week, is to find out what fun really is for you. And I’m going to tell you what, I talked to a lot of people that don’t even know what that is.

And that’s a really good thing to come up with for yourself too, is that you just realize that the only thing you are doing for fun is eating. Don’t punish yourself. Don’t get scared. Just go, “That’s so fascinating that I think that the only thing that’s really fun is over eating.” And then you can start exploring. Just exploring. What else can I think that also is fun?  And that’s what I want to leave you with today. What else can I think that also is fun, other than overeating, non nutritious, I’m not going to say that C word again, yucky food? What else can I think? That’s what I want to leave you with today. And remember, you’ll never get what you really, really want when you think fun is food.

So until next week, I want you to be so very kind to yourself, as you find all of these little sneaky thoughts that are running around up there. And when you see that thought that isn’t giving you what you want, I want you to lovingly say to yourself, “Aren’t you fascinating?” And then become curious like my listener did. And maybe you’ll find a newer and better thought to a more healthier and fit body and mind. See you next week. Bye-bye.

Dr. Michael Butler: If you’re ready to take your eating issues to another, higher, more improved level, well, it’s time to talk to my wife, Dr. Deborah. She’s helped hundreds and thousands of people. Just visit drdebbutler.com/workwithme. You’ll get a free consultation with Dr. Deb, and find out if coaching and talking to my wife is the solution to your struggles.