Ep 177: How to Think Daily Like You’re on Vacation

Dr. Deb Butler: Welcome to Thinner Peace in Menopause and Beyond. This is Dr. Deb Butler, master life and weight coach, and as always, your coach. Today is episode number 177. And I’ve got so many different things to talk to you that I don’t even know what the subject of this is yet. Stay tuned.

Hi, everybody. How are you today? I’ll tell you what, I’ve been writing myself notes, like, for a while now trying to decide what I really want to talk to you about because there are so many things that have been going on with my clients right now that just make me go, “Oh, I got to talk about that on my podcast,” or “Oh, that’s a podcast title.” And all of my clients kind of laugh and go, “Yeah, that would be really great.” And there has been a lot of that going on lately.

So it’s like, I was deciding what would be the best thing to share with you today because here’s some of the things that are going on that I’ve noticed with my clients. A lot of them have been on vacation or are talking to me, we’re doing our sessions when they’re on vacation, and it’s really interesting how happy they are when they’re on vacation.

And so we started talking about that, because most of them are getting really good at understanding the model and how to work the model. And most of you, well, I don’t know about most of you, but many of you know about the model and the components of the model and how your mind works. And so you know and they know, that our thoughts create our feelings.

So when they tell me how happy they are, when they’re on vacation, I just say very observingly, observing them, I say “Why are you so happy?” And of course what they wanted first to say to me is “Because I’m on vacation.” But vacation itself is just a circumstance that can be proven in court, they’re on vacation. Vacation is a word that’s in the dictionary. It’s a real thing. Now, it’s also neutral until you put a thought to it.

So most of my clients are happy when they’re on vacation. So a lot of times what I’m going to ask them then is “Why?” And when they say, “Because I’m on vacation,” then I’ll ask, “What’s so great about being on vacation?” And here’s the really interesting thing is then they come up with all their thoughts that create the feeling of happiness.

So they might say, “Well, I don’t have anything scheduled to do,” or “I feel so much freer. I am so much freer. I can be with my family. I’m not being interrupted by my to-do list.” Those are all thoughts. And it’s really interesting because here’s what I want to share with you. This is one of the many things I want to share with you, and I’m not really sure how many of the things that I want to share with you I’m going to talk about today, which is why I have not come up with the title yet because I’m not sure.

But with vacation, the interesting thing is that a vacation is just neutral, and we have a lot of really positive emotions about it. Then all it is is a thought that we’re thinking. So basically, we have certain thoughts about vacation, and many of those thoughts create very, very happy feelings. And so our brain is very accustomed to those thoughts and uses them quite frequently. So they’re easy to go back to. Just like when you’re at home, and you’re tired and you’re exhausted, which are just feelings. The action may be, for many of you and many of my clients is, a cookie seems like a really great idea. Like the little brain says, “God I know what will make me feel better, like a cookie, or two, or three, or four or five or six.” That will make you feel a lot less exhausted. That’ll put some pep in your energy. But those are just thoughts. And those are just feelings. And when you’re on vacation, those are just thoughts. And those are just feelings. So, since thoughts don’t just fall from the sky, which sometimes many of you think they do, but they don’t. They’re running around in your head. And basically, you’re choosing them, either consciously choosing them or unconsciously choosing them.

And most of us have what I call our “top 10 thoughts,” which means where we go to first. And it’d be really interesting for you, this week, to think what your top 10 thoughts may be. For many of my clients, if they work, when they come home and they feel tired, the thoughts that run around in their head that may be a top 10 is, “You deserve a break today, sweetheart, let’s go eat.” Maybe a top 10. So like whenever you come home and the brain just goes, “Well I know where I’m going.”

Being aware of those thoughts will help you decide if you want to keep using them and to start to be aware of them. I don’t say change them yet, just become aware of them. Same thing when you’re on vacation. I’m using these two scenarios, which are just facts. They’re just circumstances—coming home from work is a circumstance; being on vacation is a circumstance.

And it’s interesting that the feelings can be very different, but they don’t have to be. Why? Because our feelings come from our thoughts, and our thoughts are things that we manifest. Our senses in our head, many, many senses in our head that we consciously choose to use. And if this is true—which I believe it is; this is not new stuff I’m teaching you, there are many people that teach this—but if this is true, that means that you actually have a choice what you want to think when you come home from work. And you also have a choice what you want to think when you’re on vacation.

Now listen, I understand when you’re on vacation and you have those happy feelings, you probably don’t want to change them. But I do want you to be aware that you’re choosing thoughts that create happy feelings, and those thoughts that you use when you’re on vacation—get this—are available to you, when you come home from work.

Right now, maybe I’m kind of blowing your mind away. Like, “What!” But it’s true. So if that’s the truth, then why can’t we manage our minds in our life as if we were on vacation? Because here’s the thing, vacation happens so many times in a year, like everybody’s different. I go on a lot of vacations, and so that’s good. But still, I’m probably at home more, doing a lot of my routines that I do at home more than I’m on vacation.

So the only option I have and that you have isn’t so much to create more vacation time but maybe to create more of thought processes that help us feel better in our everyday life. And I had the saying one time that I used early on in my coaching when I was blogging, and I always ended my blog with, “Be on vacation; it’s your life!” I really love that.

So how can you make your life more like vacation? How can you think about your life—your life when you’re not on vacation, your life, like right now, I’m doing a podcast. I’m not on vacation, I’m doing a podcast. And maybe right now you’re driving in the car. and you’re going to work. Or maybe you’re—I don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re doing something that is more routine for you.

How are you thinking about it? Are you up in your head thinking about your to-do list. and you’re getting all overwhelmed about it? And then you’re beating yourself up for being so overwhelmed because you see that, and you’re on and on in your head as you’re in your everyday life, and you’re driving in your car, and you’re passing gorgeous trees, the sky, the clouds, the sun, the birds are all right in front of you available to think about. Just like when you’re on vacation, all of that is available to you, too. Is it easier for you to see it and think about it? And if it is, why? This is what I want you to think about this week: What are you thinking about? What do you think when you’re on vacation?

So I have one client, her thought is that, “I am so free.” I said, “Wow. How does that make you feel?” She says, “Happy!” I go, “Well, the reason that you feel so happy isn’t that you’re on vacation at the beach, which is a circumstance. The reason you’re so happy is because you think you’re so free. Why can’t you think that when you’re in your routine life?” Because the truth is, in your life, when you come home, I would guess most of the things that you’re doing are all chosen by you. Which I would say then, you are free. You’re free to choose. It’s what you’ve chosen. What if you were happier about it? What if you started thinking I’m free? As opposed to “Oh, no, another day. The traffic. I have all this stuff to do. I’ll never get it done.”

That might be your top 10 thoughts that you use that aren’t serving you. What if you decided to decide right now, what are your thoughts when you think on vacation? Do you have a top 10? You got to see that actually, you’re choosing both, and you’re not aware of it, because sometimes we’re just not mindful and we think that thoughts fall from the sky, but they don’t. There’s just many, many thoughts running around in our mind, and we choose them. And we choose them according to how much we’ve chosen them in the past.

So we’re just doing what we’ve been doing, and we’re repeating, and we’re repeating, and we’re repeating. But as you’re listening to this, you can make a decision right now to be more mindful about what’s going on in your head when you’re on vacation and when you’re not. And look at the two sets of thoughts, and then think about switching them. Well, not switching them, I don’t want you to take your thoughts, especially if they’re really negative thoughts when you’re in your regular life—regular life meaning not on vacation—let’s not switch it to vacation.

But what if we could have the top 10 thoughts that you have on vacation and use them all the time? Can you imagine how much better you would feel all the time so that when you go on vacation, you’re just as happy. I mean, I think the concept is amazing, and I really want you to work on this, and I want you to think about what those top 10 thoughts could be.

Here’s some of the things that some of my clients have told me about what their thoughts are when they’re on vacation. “I love spending time with my family. I love having so much more time with my family. I love being with my significant other. I love having the time to do that. I am free. This is beautiful. This is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. I love waking up in the morning. I don’t have anything specific to do. I can do anything I want.”

Okay. Those are the thoughts that she or you maybe think when you’re on vacation? What if you switched them over into life when you’re not on vacation? What kind of feelings do you think those thoughts might conjure up? It’s not a matter of your circumstances of what’s going on, regardless if you’re going to work, driving in a car, coming home from work; those are just circumstances. The thoughts are up to you. What are your top 10 thoughts?

If they’re creating a lot of negative emotion, let’s rethink it. Let’s switch some of the thoughts that you use when you’re not on vacation, and see if you can use some of the thoughts that you use when you’re on vacation and can totally believe them when you’re not. Because that is the key to this whole thing. You do have to believe it. I’m not asking you to come up with beautiful thoughts that sound great, and your brain goes, “That’s ridiculous.” You got to be able to wrap your mind around it.

So it’s like you know, I love spending time with my family. Because a lot of times when we go on vacation, we spend more time with people we think. We love that option. But what if that’s always available to you? Because you probably are still spending time with your family but you don’t look at it the same. But what if you did? What if you always love spending time with your family? A lot of time, a little time, whatever. But what if you just loved it or what if you appreciated it or what if you were just grateful for it? Or what if you just noticed it more? Then your life when you’re not on vacation could be more like your life on vacation. And then your life, your whole life—on vacation, off vacation—you could also be creating more positive emotions.

So watch what you’re thinking this week. Notice what your top 10 thoughts are on both, and then try to switch them out. And then start practicing them and see which ones your mind can actually buy 100% now. In other words, try on these thoughts if they fit, which means they feel right—use them. And see if you can feel more like you’re on vacation all the time. So that’s my motto: “Be on vacation; it’s your life.”

Try it this week, and see if you can create more positive emotion, feel more appreciative, more grateful, more happy, and more joyful. They’re all available to you. You don’t have to wait to be on vacation to feel it. It’s available to you right now. And my advice is: start thinking it.

And listen, as I was talking about this, I also want to remind you about reviewing my podcast. I talked about this a little bit on the last time. And thank you very much because a lot of you listened and went in and reviewed the podcast. So I really have a goal of getting to 400 reviews. I’ve got so many downloads from this podcast, and the reviews don’t reflect it. So if I’m talking to you right now, and you’re listening to this, and you’ve been listening to this, and you’re really getting something out of it, please, please, please go to iTunes, and do a review.

And very, very quickly, I just want to read to you one of the reviews that I just got, just a couple of days ago after I asked on my last podcast, and I want you to hear this because I want you to see if it’s you too, because these are the reasons that I continue to do these podcasts is when I read these reviews. Because right now I’m not, I don’t see you, you, you, you, you, you, you, all of you—walking the dog, driving in the car. I don’t know what you’re doing, but I don’t see you. I’m talking to you. So you, who are listening to this, if you love this, I would love for you to go to iTunes and do a review.

And here’s one I just got and I love it. And she titled it “Dr. Deb has given me hope.” “I didn’t even know what my struggle was, until I started listening to Dr. Deb. Just listening to her podcast has helped me to become more mindful around food and has helped me to stop arguing with myself. I’m losing weight just by eating when I’m hungry and stopping when I’m full. Mind blown!”

I love that. I love blowing people’s minds. I think that my favorite thing about coaching is blowing people’s minds. Basically literally meaning the things that you’ve been believing for a long time that are making you feel terrible, you stop believing and your mind is blown. It’s great.

And that’s what I want you to do this week, I want you to blow your mind. When you’re in your life, I want you to start thinking more in terms of when you’re on vacation, only you’re not. And I want to see if you can blow your own mind this week. And of course, as always, you know what else I want you to do after you go review my podcast on iTunes. I want you to be very, very kind to yourself. And I’ll see you next week. Bye-bye.

Dr. Michael Butler: To get a free copy of Dr. Deb’s companion workbook with all the tools, homeworks, and discussions that she uses in her podcasts with our private clients, please go to drdebbutler.com/change. This will make it even easier to follow along with her in future broadcasts.