Ep 180 You Are Not Wasting Food When You Don’t Clean Your Plate

Thinner Peace in Menopause, Weight Loss and Beyond, Episode 180

Dr. Deborah Butler: Welcome to Thinner Peace in Menopause and Beyond. This is Dr. Deb Butler, master life and weight coach, and as always, your coach. Today is episode number 180 and as usual, I got something good for you. So stay tuned.

Dr. Deborah Butler: Welcome back everyone to all of you who have been following me all along. And I also want to welcome all of my new listeners who may just be listening to this podcast for the first time. Welcome. And let me tell you what, I’ve got some good stuff for you today. So we’re going to be talking all about the concept of wasting food. And I’m going to start it out because I got a really great letter from one of you, my wonderful listeners who send me wonderful letters and give me great ideas. This is from Kate. I want to read you part of her letter, because this is what got me thinking about this podcast for today. And also for my podcasts for next week too. That’s how good this letter is. So I’m going to read this to you and see what you think. Kate’s letter is pretty lengthy, but I want to read this one paragraph, which is where I got my idea about wasting food from. And this is what she says after she told me that she enjoyed the podcast and how much it was helping her.

She said, “I was very interested in your discussions about anger not being a food group. You can’t eat your feelings, but boy it’s easy to do. I grew up in a home where food was not plentiful. You ate what was on your plate because that was all there was. You could never leave food behind because it was wasteful. My parents lived through the Second World War, and they were very frugal. And they certainly passed that sense of responsibility to clean your plate and never throw food out. I now understand that my odd relationship with food is very much ingrained from those early years. And it may take some time to remove that brainwashing, but your podcasts are helping. And even as I type this, I’m realizing that guilt I feel from not finishing any food is also not a food group. I’m going to have to practice, practice, practice staying in touch with my emotions when I eat, but I am confident that I can do this.”

I love that from Kate. And let me tell you, I got two podcasts from you Kate. The first one we’re going to do today about wasting food, and I think it’s not going to just help you; I think it’s going to help a lot of you. Because when I’m working with my private clients, I actually have this in my podcast companion book. It’s a whole session on wasting food. So I want to make sure that you all have this podcast companion workbook. It’s got all of my materials in it, all of my tools, my homework, everything that I use with my individual clients I’m giving to my podcast listeners. So I want to make sure that you have it, especially for this podcast in particular. And in order to get the book, you go to drdebbutler.com/change. And you can also get this in my show notes. But I would really recommend you get it because I think doing this homework on here is going to be very, very helpful. So it’s on page 52, which is the Waste Food Worksheet, and 53 which is also the homework on a joy food throwaway that I’m going to talk to you about so just hold on here. I’ve got a lot to go over here.

And let me make clear that from Kate’s letter that she wrote me, today I’m going to do the podcast on wasting food. But next time, I’m going to do a whole podcast on “guilt is not a food group.” It’s going to be really good. And it’s going to be absolutely perfect with this podcast today. So make sure you listen to the podcast next week too.

Alright, so wasting food. There’s two reasons why this idea came up to me. One is the letter that I got from Kate. But the other reason is, is that I was with my husband, Michael, if you all don’t know his name, he’s the one that’s introducing me on most of my podcasts. I want to share with you an incident that we had when we were cooking together one day, and we do a lot of cooking together, and we love it. We make beautiful, healthy food together and it’s wonderful. But here he was cutting a watermelon. And what was so interesting about it, he was telling me “Oh, Deb, this looks so delicious.” And I was looking at it, I go “Yeah, cut me a piece and cut yourself a piece.” And then he says to me, now this is what I want you to hear. What he says to me is, “You better eat it all now, because it won’t last much longer. And there won’t be any more watermelons left for the summer.” Well, as soon as he said that, the first thing I was wanting to do was eat all the watermelon I could because I didn’t want to waste any of it if it went bad because I wasn’t going to get anymore until next summer. That’s the thought that went through my head, and I was ready to eat the whole doggone watermelon.

And then I had this a-ha moment, right? I’m a coach, I teach you guys. And I thought this is exactly what I’m talking about. Things like this run through our heads make us feel like we’re never going to eat it again. And we eat more food than our body requires which is just what I was going to do with the watermelon. So I looked at him as I had my a-ha moment. And I said to myself, “You know what, this is not your last chance, Deb. There’s a chance you might get some more watermelon. And why in the world, no matter how good this watermelon is, why would you put it in your body if you’re not hungry?” And that’s the exact question I would like you to ask yourself, when you find your brain just kind of running on this rinse and repeat cycle, like, “Oh my god, I’m never going to have it again. I gotta eat it.” And then I was thinking, as I was laughing with Michael and telling him, “Well, thank you very much. You just gave me another podcast.” I realize he says this a lot when he’s cooking. Like he really is a wonderful chef. And he makes some wonderful food. And you know what he always says to me. He says, “You better eat it now because it’ll never taste as good as it does right this minute.”

Now, if I wasn’t as in touch as I think I am, and maybe I’m not sometimes too, because it just occurred to me that he says this a lot. It makes you think you should eat more than your body requires because it’s never going to be this good again. Right? That’s another thought that runs through a bunch of our heads. And I’m thinking my husband says this all the time. Maybe he eats more than he needs just by thinking that it’s only going to taste this good while it’s this hot, and it’ll never be this good again. You had better-seriously-watch what other people say to you and what you believe. And you had better watch what you say to yourself and what you believe or you are going to be feeding your body more than it needs. And you know what, maybe it is true. Maybe it won’t ever taste as good as it does right when it comes off of the grill or off of the stove. But if you’re not hungry anymore, you owe it to yourself to stop. You owe it to yourself to stop eating regardless. And instead, you want to think how happy and grateful you are for honoring your body. And also grateful, like I’m grateful to Michael no matter what, for cooking such delectable food. I’m always grateful for it. But I don’t have to show my gratitude by eating more than my body requires. See, I have to honor myself and honor my husband. The way I honor my husband is I tell him how much I appreciate the beautiful food that he cooks for me, and how much I enjoy putting it in my body, but not to overload it, to feed it until it’s done. And you know what? Michael loves to see me enjoy his food, and I do. But I don’t eat any more than my body requires to make Michael happy. And you know what? It would be really easy. If I wasn’t really aware, to try and make my husband happy by eating more food than my body requires. Have you ever done anything like that? Have you ever tried to make someone happy by eating their food when you weren’t hungry? Think about that one.

And as I think of this, then I have to think about my teacher. And you know who my teacher is. It’s Sebastian, my grandson. Now Michael cooks for him too. And when he puts food on his tray, Sebastian, he’ll eat it with gusto if he’s hungry, but when he’s done, and Michael tries putting more of that food that will never taste as good again as it does at this moment, and he puts that food on his tray. Sebastian just puts up his hand and pushes it away. He could care less what Michael has to say about this deliciousness. And why? Because his body has communicated that it is done. Ladies, we are in training to respond in the same way. It’s the way we were programmed. And we are just reconnecting that deepest part of ourselves. We’re trying to be more like Sebastian, he does it automatically. He really doesn’t care what Michael says. He really doesn’t care how hard Michael worked to make this food so beautiful and delectable. He just cares if there’s room or there’s not. If there’s no room, it’s no thank you. If there’s room he loves it, eats it. We must be very mindful, just like that, until it becomes as automatic for us as it does for my grandson. So we practice, practice, practice.

One of the major reasons that we eat when we’re not hungry is because we don’t even realize we’re not hungry when we’re eating. Just like for instance, I was ready to eat that watermelon. I was just ready to gobble up the whole thing with the thought that “Oh my god, it’ll never be here again. It’ll never be as good. And if I don’t eat it now, it’s gonna be rotten by tomorrow.” I’m saying all of that stuff. And while I’m saying it’s making me think I better eat the whole thing right now and totally forget about my connection. I know. It’s crazy. If you’ve been with me for a while, you might have noticed this with yourself too.

And I want to talk to you about one of the biggest reasons I think we eat-because we don’t want to waste the food. Right? Just like Kate was talking about in her letter about wasting food and what she was taught as a young girl. What kind of messages were you given when you were young? I know I was given a lot of messages. And I know a lot of my clients and they forget that those messages, which are just thoughts, are running around up in their heads, and they are rinsing and repeating, right? They’re just repeating themselves over and over again, ’til you actually have this belief system about wasting food, which is you don’t leave food on your plate, no matter what. In other words, leaving food on your plate is a no-no. Honoring your body doesn’t matter. You don’t have to have a connection to your body. You just have to make sure there’s no food on your plate. And then you think that you’re doing a good thing. But it’s just because you have these mixed-up messages in your head that you’re not aware of are running around. And this podcast is dedicated to you to start wondering what is going around up there. Just like for Kate.

I think Kate now knows, maybe for the first time, that the reason she doesn’t leave food on her plate isn’t because she’s hungry. That’s not why. She might have thought this all along, up until my podcast, where she started paying attention. And now she knows that the reason she doesn’t leave food on her plate is because she thinks that she’s still pleasing her parents. And I don’t think her parents are even there watching her eat anymore. She’s probably, I’m guessing if she’s going through menopause, you know, late 40s, 50s. Yeah, right. I doubt her mom or dad are sitting there every single time she eats. But in her mind, those thoughts are running around as if they were sitting right in front of her saying, “Finish up your plate Kate, you better eat it all.” And that’s what you need to be aware of.

So let’s have a close look at this through our own minds’ eyes. Like becoming the watcher, right, of what actually is going on in our head. We just do it because, we just eat food, because. Let me give you 10 reasons of why you think you cannot waste food, and you decide if any of these thoughts might be what’s running around in your head. Here’s one. “It will go to waste, so I better eat it now.” Kind of similar to the Michael story. Here’s another thought. “It will never be this good again.” This is another Michael’s story too. You can see. It’ll never be this good again. Here’s another one. I still have food on my plate. Just that thought alone, “I still have food on my plate” makes you think you have to eat it. Here’s another one, “I can’t leave food on my plate. That’s a little bit more similar to Kate. Here’s a good one. “There are starving children all over the world.” Another one, “it’s there, I should eat it.” Here’s another one. “I may never have this again.” Oh, yeah. Here’s a good one, “It’s so delicious.” Another one, “It’s there.” Period. This is a big thought for one of my clients-“it’s there.” In other words, food is sitting there. Anytime it’s there, I eat it. But just that one sentence, it’s there. And here’s another really good one. “I’m not a wasteful person.”

So those are some of the thoughts that I think run around in your head. And let me just pick out one and I want to show you how you can examine it. For instance, “There are starving children.” How many of you I mean, I used to think that I used to feel like it. There was some beautiful foods sitting on my plate, and I didn’t eat it, that the children that are starving all over the world would somehow starve more. Now you tell me how that makes sense. What’s going to happen to the starving children in the moment if you leave food on the plate? Will they get more food or less food? Will it even affect them? No, the answer is no it will not affect them. The only person that it’s going to affect-if you eat or don’t eat that food on the plate,-is you. My question to you is, do you want to waste it? W-A-S-T-E. Or do you want to waist it? W-A-I-S-T. And really, why in the world, if your body is not hungry, would you want to put it in your body? Your body is not a garbage can. That’s a thought, maybe, that you should start thinking about using. Your body is not a garbage can. It is beautiful that was meant for beautiful things to go into it because think about all the things that it can do for you.

What about this? “It’s there. I should eat it.” Okay, so what if it’s there? Why should you eat it? See with being aware of it, the reason that you wouldn’t eat it, is because you’re not hungry. That’s why. And so you would answer yourself, and you would go, “So what? Okay, it’s there, but I’m not hungry. I don’t need to eat it.” And I think when you do this a few times, you’re going to realize you don’t have to eat it. And what would be the harm of throwing it away?

Now listen, I am not encouraging you to take more food than your body can eat. I am not encouraging you to go out to restaurants and order food that you know you cannot eat. What I am saying to you is that when you have food on your plate that you put there, you eat when you’re hungry, and you stop when you’re full. That’s the best responsibility that you have to yourself, you do the best you can. But if you put too much on there and you can’t eat it, let it go. You let it go by realizing that a lot of these thoughts were put into your head when you were young, and you didn’t know any better, and you just did what you were told.

But now it’s 40 years later, 30 years later. And these thoughts are in a rinse and repeat cycle, which means they’re just being thought, and you’re just believing it. But once you actually hear a thought, like I just told you some of these thoughts, you have a choice to believe it or not. It’s true or it’s not true. You do that with the front part of your brain that’s called the prefrontal cortex where you look at those thoughts, and you answer them. I can’t leave food on my plate. “Why not?” Would be a great question. Because there’s children starving? “So what?” Now listen, I am all for taking care of starving children. But if you eat or don’t eat the food on your plate, it will not help them. There are ways that you can help starving children, but putting it on your waist and your thighs is not one of them. Right? I mean, I know I’m making sense right now, and I’m making sense to you. But when you’re in your own head, you think you’re making sense. You’re not!

That’s why you’ve got to be aware of what you’re thinking. Wasting food in that beautiful body of yours. How could you? Your beautiful body is not a waste can. I know I’ve said it before, but I’m repeating it. It is not a waste can nor is it a garbage disposal. There are waste cans. There are garbage disposals, use them, not in your body. Now, that is the Dr. Deb Rule. Oh, I love that. I’m going to put it somewhere. Your beautiful body is not a waste can, nor is it a garbage disposal. Yes, I want you to remember that.

Now what I want you to do after listening to me talk about all of this about wasting food. I want you to look at the worksheet that I have on page 52 in my podcast companion book, and it’s the tool on the Waste Food Worksheet. And there are a few questions on there. And I want to tell you that when you write these answers down, the reason for asking these questions is for you to see what you’ve been thinking. I want you to see your thoughts on paper. You know it asked you about going to an expensive restaurant, and if your meal arrives and you’re not hungry, and you decide not to eat it, because you’re up, you know you are past a 2, and you cannot bring it with you, you must have the waiter take it away after only tasting it. How does this make you feel? And what comes up for you? That’s the first question. And the reason for the answers are going to be what you’re thinking about wasting food. And every question after this is to help you see what you’re thinking when you can’t eat all the food on your plate because your body is not hungry anymore. And then when you see the thoughts, you really have to look at them, like I just did with you today on the top eight to ten thoughts that I thought about. Those may be the thoughts that you’re thinking about, or they may be different. The way you’re going to find out is by answering the questions to this worksheet.

So make sure you get that companion book so that you can answer these questions, and I would love to hear from you, and you know you can always tell me the answers that came up to you by just emailing me at drdeb@drdebbutler.com. I’d love to hear about it. I’d love it. But listen, it’s okay to leave your food. If you’re full, it’s the best gift you can give yourself. You can do it. And you will also begin to lose weight effortlessly by adopting this kind of thinking. Instead of making yourself feel bad for wasting, you’re commending yourself for paying attention. So it’s a choice: make yourself feel bad for wasting food or commending yourself for paying attention. I want you to really think about that. And until next time, I want you to be extra kind to yourself while you’re going over the Waste Food Worksheet, and I’ll see you next week.

Dr. Michael Butler: I would like to invite you to correspond with Dr. Deborah. Go to iTunes, drdebbutler.com/itunes. And you can review the show. And you can even give some helpful suggestions on what you would like to talk about in the future to accomplish your mindfulness, and your journey into mindfulness. Thank you.