Ep 193: Using Empowering Thoughts to Keep Your Progress During the Holiday Season

Dr. Deb Butler: Welcome to Thinner Peace In Menopause and Beyond. This is Dr. Deb Butler, master life and weight coach. And as always, your coach. Today is episode number 193. Stay tuned.

Hi there all my dear friends. Welcome to the holidays! Ho-ho-ho or whatever else it is you’re celebrating. It’s getting cold and everybody’s starting to get into the spirit, either for the negative or for the positive. But either way, ho-ho-ho.  

Anyway, today, I really want to talk about how you can empower yourself during this season. Because, really, I think that anything that tends to be a little bit more challenging for you, and I think the holiday season is challenging for people who are learning to be connected to their body. I think the season is the best teacher. This holiday season, I think is your best teacher or the best class that you could take if you really want to learn how to connect to your body. I think that’s empowering in itself, as opposed to ignoring your body through the holidays and reconnecting in the New Year. I don’t know about you. But that gets really old after a while, you know? Up and down, up and down, up and down. We talked about it. It makes me dizzy, makes me sick. Glad I don’t do it anymore and I really hope this is the end for you, too. And this episode really is dedicated to all of that.

And I am going to talk about one of my clients today, again, because our last session, I think will really help you. It really helped her. And I think it’s really going to help you because she has– we’ve been working for about five or six months now and she has really lost a lot of weight. And I think the weight loss is great, and she’s really happy about it. But that’s not the thing that she’s most excited about. And the reason is because you know, really, weight loss is only a symptom anyway. Weight gain is only a symptom. 

And really what she is most excited about is that she feels so in control and so connected to her body. That’s what all the work over these last five or six months has helped her do is to connect to her body. And it’s even kind of funny, because she talks about, she is a very social person – probably one of the most social people I know. Very extroverted, loves to be around people. You meet her, you love her. You just can’t help it. So with her, because she goes out to eat a lot before we ever met. 

When we first started working, she started laughing in one of our sessions. I said, “What’s so funny?” and she said she has so many to-go boxes in a refrigerator, she doesn’t even have any place to put food, you know? Because she stopped eating all the food that was being served to her, because she was connecting to her body, and when her body said stop, she just stopped eating. Hence, a lot of boxes in her refrigerator. 

Anyway, you guys know, if you go to a restaurant a lot, there’s no way if you’re connected to your body, you can eat all the food. And really, if you’re going through the holiday season and you’re connected to your body, there’s no way you’re going to eat all the food either. And that’s really what this episode is dedicated to. And I’m going to use my last client session to help you understand this concept better.

I think one of the biggest things that this client of mine has realized is that her powerful mind, she’s got such a powerful mind, and she’s so successful in so many areas of her life. And she’s realized over these coaching sessions, five or six months, is that the same part of her mind that has helped her in so many areas of her life is the exact same part of her mind that has helped her in the last five months reconnect to her body. And that’s what I want to show you a little bit more today is that you already have all of these. You’re just not connecting to it. And when you can start tweaking a little bit – and I’m really hoping you are tweaking it through all the podcasts that I’ve done – is that that connection to your body is really always available to you. And I think that the holiday season is never a better time than to really learn that connection. So that’s what really what we’re going to talk about today. 

Now what I’ve noticed with her and what I pointed out to her is that probably the most empowering question that she uses on a regular basis is “Will eating this make me feel better or worse?” She’s done a lot of work around fuel eating and really finding out what foods work for her and what foods don’t work for her. So she is very, very, very aware now when she eats a food, what it’s going to do to her. She knows ahead of time. 

So knowing that because hey, she likes to feel good. What a surprise. Most of us, if we had a choice, we would like to physically and mentally feel good all the time. And when we’re choosing food, this is one of the major ways of how we physically get to feel good. Now, for her, this didn’t happen overnight. After many coaching sessions and noticing the thoughts that she was using that were leading her to overeating, such as “It’s there. I should eat it.” “It’s lunchtime. I shouldn’t waste it” or “It’s too good to waste.” That was a good one. That’s why now she’s got all these to-go boxes in a refrigerator. 

But you know what I think the most important thing that happened to her over these last six months was that noticing her emotions, and noticing negative emotions, and realizing that she could feel any emotion, and that she didn’t have to eat it, that she could feel it instead. That was probably the biggest thing for her. 

And, you know, I think it really is for a lot of my clients is once they realize that when you feel something negative, so you know your emotional hunger scale? When it’s in the negative numbers, just because it doesn’t feel good doesn’t mean you have to eat it. You can either: one, feel the feeling all the way through, and come out on the other end, and realize everything’s still okay. Or two, you get the ability to be able to examine what you’re thinking that’s making you feel these negative thoughts. So you always have two choices. 

And I would say that probably the thought that she says to herself on a regular basis when it comes to feelings is “Oh, I’m feeling sad and that’s okay.” Eating is not even an option to her anymore. She has no desire to cover up the feeling and that’s progress. And what I want to talk about today to you and what we talked about is why should the holidays change that? 

So when we were talking last, she reported to me that she was going to let herself eat more joy food. She wasn’t going to concentrate on losing weight. She just didn’t want to gain weight. You ever heard anybody ever say that before? Have you ever said that to yourself before? I know I’ve said that to myself before. And that is a very interesting thought, isn’t it? Doesn’t sound that poisonous. And I call all thoughts poisonous when they lead you in the wrong direction even though they don’t sound that bad. 

But can you imagine? Just think of this. Can you imagine my grandson, Sebastian, thinking this? He wouldn’t. I guarantee you, because he will only eat if he’s hungry and stop if he’s full. And he’ll only eat so much. So depending on what he eats will very much depend on what he eats at the next meal. So if he eats a lot at one meal, or even if he eats a little bit more joy food, I’ll just find that when it comes to the next meal, he won’t be as hungry. He won’t eat as much. It’s just the way the body works.

And this is what I was saying to her, too, is that why would you want to change the way you think during the holidays just because there may be more joy foods available to you? Why would that be any different? And I’m thinking especially for her because she’s so social and because she does so much traveling. She’s traveled out of the country a couple times since we’ve been doing our sessions. She travels all the time. She goes out all the time. And I’m saying to her, “Why are the holidays any different than what you do on a regular basis?” And that’s where the interesting thing is, is because she thinks, and I say, ‘She thinks,’ see? It’s her mind. Her mind is starting to tweak the holiday season and it’s allowing her to think that maybe she doesn’t have to pay as much attention. Can you see that? 

Now here’s even something more fascinating with her. Because what she said to me, she says, “Well, once I started thinking that what I actually found what I did is that when it really came down to “Oh, that looks good or that looks good but it’s a joy food,” she decided she didn’t even want to eat it. And she is surprised that she’s still losing weight. This kind of got my attention. And you know, like I said. It doesn’t really sound that poisonous, but here’s the deal. Why in the world would you change the way you think during the holiday season, or traveling, or celebrating or anything? Why? 

Because the major thing is, for her, and this is what I said to her, you go buy a meal by asking yourself the simple question: how is this gonna make me feel? And you like to feel good, so you always empower yourself, and you always make good choices. And what she said to me, “Well, I guess that’s what I was doing anyway.” Right, she was just doing what she always did. She was asking herself how it’s gonna make me feel and then deciding to eat it or not. And she was still losing weight and everything was still the same. 

But being able to point out to her that if she continued to believe something different, that the holiday season means that she should think differently and act differently, how it could change what she ends up doing. Can you see how the holidays are actually a perfect time to use it as a teaching tool for my clients? And how this changed for her when she realized that she was tweaking her mind in a way that was not going to help her. Because, in reality, what her mind was gearing her to do without her being even aware of it is to eat when she’s hungry, stop when she’s full, to eat a joy eat if she wants to mindfully, but to realize, many of the times, she doesn’t even care. That is what is so empowering. 

And that’s where we left it when we ended the session is that really, with the holiday seasons, nothing changes. Absolutely nothing. And no matter where you are in your journey of getting to know your body better either to lose weight or just to be more healthy, fit, and happy, the holiday season is a wonderful time to learn true connection to your body. And you know, when you take the struggle of food out of the equation, the holidays can really be more peaceful, at least inside. 

And if you’re practicing mindfulness and working on increasing your MQ – your mindfulness quotient – then the holidays are even a better time for you. It’s kind of like taking final exams. The holiday season are kind of like the final exams. It’s everything you’ve learned with me so far in this podcast or in coaching and applying the exact same principles. Nothing really in your head really needs to change. And if it does start to change, if you notice that it starts to change like it did for my client, then through awareness, and raising your MQ, or being coached, you direct your mind back to the thoughts that will serve you best. 

And what are those thoughts? Well, here’s what they are for my client. The basic, most empowering question that she always asked herself first, how will this make me feel? Another thought that she uses, “I can have it if I want it, but do I really want it? Of course I’ll eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. I will joyfully enjoy any joy food if I really want it. I will never leave my own body. I can feel any feeling without eating it.”

And here’s a really interesting thought. It’s just an urge, and it will pass. And another one: just because it looks good doesn’t mean it will make me feel good. I’m gonna repeat that one again. I like that. You might want to post this on your forehead or on your bathroom mirror: just because it looks good doesn’t mean it’s gonna make me feel good. 

If you’ve been following along on all 36 or 37 podcasts – oh, I’m sorry, it’s 36. Don’t get ready for 37. But if you’ve been following me so far on all 36 podcasts, then consider the holiday season your final exam. And I want all of you to get A’s and the way that you get an A is by staying connected to what’s going on in your mind. And knowing that every thought that runs around up there is a choice that you can choose or not. 

So one of the thoughts that my client used to have is “It’s there. I should eat it.” Or “It looks so good. I have to eat it.” That thought is available at the same time that the thought is “Just because it looks good doesn’t mean it’ll make me feel good.” That’s available to you, too. 

When you use your mindfulness and you’re trying to raise your MQ, you choose the thought that’s going to give you the best feeling, and the best result, and also a thought that you can absolutely believe. And if you do that, you will get an A on the final exam, which is called the holiday season. 

Now, if you’ve been following all these podcasts, I want to make sure that you have my companion book that goes with this that has all the tools necessary to help you understand every single tool I’ve ever talked about. And because we’re in the holiday season, and you’re coming up to the final exam, I want to make sure you’ve got that book. So all you need to do is go to drdebbutler.com/change and it’s yours. 

And I’ve got lots of other goodies on there too, that you can choose to help you get an A on this final exam of a holiday season. And if you need more help or you would like to be able to do coaching with me, especially in the New Year, using my complete premier program, all you need to do is go to drdebbutler.com/workwithme and you can set up a free mini-session to find out if you and I would be a good fit for the following year. 

So until next time, I want you to be extra kind to yourself, and I want you to get an A on the final exam of a holiday season. Bye-bye.

Dr. Michael Butler: To get a free copy of Dr. Deb’s companion workbook with all the tools, homeworks, and discussions that she uses in her podcast with all her private clients, please go to drdebbutler.com/change. This will make it even easier to follow along with her in future broadcasts.