Ep 7 How to Stop Mindless Eating and Curb Emotional Eating

Thinner Peace in Menopause, Weight Loss and Beyond, Episode 7

Dr. Michael Butler: I’m Dr. Michael Butler, and you’re listening to Thinner Peace in Menopause and Beyond with certified master weight loss coach, Dr. Deb Butler, episode seven. Last episode, Dr. Deb was helping you learn how to apply her new tool-the four types of eating. Well now, she has so much more to say to help you apply it and to use it in your own life. Today, she’s talking more about the fog and the storm eating.

Dr. Deborah Butler: Hi, there! Today, I want to continue pretty much along the same lines that I was talking about in our last episode. But I only got to cover joy eating and fuel eating because I had so much to say that it was going long. So today, I want to talk more about fog eating and storm eating and a little bit more of how you can be thinking and how to wrap your mind around these.

So, one of the things about fog eating is that, what I told you before, is that fog eating is, what it looks like is when you’re not paying attention, when you’re kind of stepping out of your mind and body, and don’t even know what you’re doing. So like, for me, it’s going to the movie theater, getting a bag of popcorn, and before you know it, the popcorn’s gone, or have a bag of candy somewhere and before you know it, the candy is gone. And you don’t even know how it got in your mouth. Or for lots of moms with their kids, they’re eating off their kids plate, and they don’t even know they’re eating it. That’s all fog eating. And, really, to me, a good way for you to think about it is eating behind your own back-not paying attention to what’s going on, on purpose.

Most of my clients who fog eat tend to tell me they don’t know why they’re doing it. And the reason they don’t know why they’re doing it is because they don’t want to know why they’re doing it. They want to pretend like they’re not there. Fog eating. That is fog eating. Pretend you’re not there. So if you want to pretend you’re thin when you’re not, then fog eating is great. Fog eat all you want. And you can also just pretend like you don’t know why you’re overweight. But if you really, really want to start paying attention and stop this whole pretend game, then you start by stepping in every single time you’re eating. And another way that I want you to look at fog eating that I haven’t discussed before, is the whole concept of, that if you’re eating between starting in the -2 and stopping in a +2 then that is “your sweet spot.” Fuel eating, -2 to a +2.

But what I see a lot and what I’ve done a lot and do a lot is sometimes, I’ll be fuel eating, but I’ll eat to a +4, or I’ll eat to a +3, or I’ll eat to a +5. Now, when you do that, that is a category of fogging. And this is why: that when you go over a plus two, you basically have turned your back on yourself. Now, I know you don’t think you’re doing this, but this is what you’re doing. And I’m going to tell you why. Let’s say you’re sitting down, and you’re eating a delicious meal, it’s a fuel meal. You started at a -2. And you notice that you’re going way beyond the +2. And you bring it back to me, I’m your coach, and we’re talking about it. This is what I would ask you, “Why did you go beyond the plus two? Why were you fogging? Why did you choose not to pay attention?” And it’s a really hard question to answer because you think you are paying attention.

But what you’re doing is you’re putting your attention on the food, and you’re not putting the attention on you and your body. And then your mind is making up stories that you’re not paying attention to. And here’s some of those thoughts or stories that I think is going on in your mind when you go beyond a +2. Probably, the all-pervasive thought is, “Oh, this is so good. I can’t stop.” And I can’t stop telling you how many times I’ve heard this. Intelligent, smart women who save lives and run companies tell me, “Oh, it’s so good. I just can’t stop.” And they expect me to believe that. And I will tell you something, I don’t believe them, and I don’t believe you.

I believe you can stop. But I don’t think you can stop when you believe you can’t stop. I absolutely believe you cannot stop when you tell yourself, “It’s so good. I can’t stop.” And you believe you’re never going to get it again. I believe, I believe you then. But this is where the stories have to stop. When you see yourself going beyond a +2, stop. And I will tell you that when you think this thought, “Oh, it’s so good, and I can’t stop,” it creates a feeling in you of lack of control, which allows you to continue eating without paying attention. And of course the result is, “It’s so good, you can’t stop.” You create evidence for your thought by thinking it. Isn’t that amazing? Aren’t you amazing?

And I want you to see yourself for what you are-brilliant and smart. And not leaving yourself for one minute like you would treat your beloved, your best friend. You would not leave their side when they need you. You would stick around. I need you to stick around for you. I need you to think you’re just as important as your beloved or your best friend, and tell yourself no matter what, I am staying. And when you stay, you cannot fog. Truly, you cannot fog if you don’t leave your side. And there is no food that is so good that you have to leave your side. There is no food that is so good that you have to leave yourself. So maybe instead of thinking, “Oh my god, this is so good. I can’t stop myself,” maybe instead, you can think that, “Nothing is that good that I would ignore my own body signals. Nothing is that good that would lead me away from a thin, healthy, fit body.”

And I will tell you this, if it’s that good-and I’ve had food that is that good-you can have it again later when you get hungry. I mean this is a fact. And I want you to remember this because in the moment, in your mind, you believe this will never happen again. And it will. I guarantee you, you will get hungry again. And I guarantee you, you will eat something else that will be fabulous and will taste great. We scare ourselves into thinking we might never have this again. And I’m telling you, come on, really? Smart, brilliant women, women who talk to themselves like they’re five year olds, and actually, a five-year-old would never treat themselves like this. When their bodies say stop, they stop. No matter how good something is. They have a very good mind-body connection. A five-year-old body is one you would actually like to emulate. And if you’re around young children and see them eat and watch how they stop, that’s really all I want you to do is watch them and do what they do. And my grandson, he’s amazing to watch because he can be loving something, eating something that he’s loving, but when he’s full, he puts up his hands or he throws the ball on the floor. He yells; he screams, but I mean, he’s not eating it. He’s done. We are relearning to do the exact same thing.

If you start out with a fuel meal, and you go beyond a 2, you are fogging. Pay attention. When you are aware, just stop. And this is the beginning of rewiring your brain and reconnecting your mind and body. Make sense? I got a lot to say about fogging, and I really want you to watch yourself and be aware. Sometimes, you won’t see it until afterwards. That’s okay too. You see it, and you give yourself credit for seeing it. And then you know that next time you can do different, but you’ve got to see it. You’ve got to see it. And you’ve got to be able to see it. As I’ve told you a lot, I know I’m repeating myself, but you’ve got to do it with compassion. No more whips; no more chains; no more beating yourself up. Okay, deal? No more beating yourself up.

Okay, now I want to talk a little bit about that last category, which is called storm eating. As I told you before, this usually involves a strong emotional hunger scale of a -5 or more, and it usually involves a lot of food followed by regret and shame. And believe you me, I know this well, because this was my mode of operating for many years and also led to 10 years of bulimia. I will spend a lot of time on this. But for now, the time that I want to spend on it is I want you to be able to see it, to watch it, even if you have to look back on it. And to be able to do it with a coach, with myself, to self-coach yourself, but to see it. And I’m repeating myself again, but to see it with compassion, and put the whips and chains away, especially in storm eating. Especially in storm eating. Can you see why? Because you already are so ashamed. And you’ve got to look at that chain with compassion for yourself like you would if it was your daughter, or your son, or your grandson, or your niece, or your nephew. The compassion that you would feel if they came to you with shame.

If you know how to make them feel better when they’re ashamed, that’s what I want you to do-is hold a space for you. It is the most loving thing that you can do for yourself. And did I say that loving yourself is important? Because it is. So the first step is to see it. You already know you’re eating; you already know you’re not hungry, and you already think you can’t stop. But can you ask yourself in the moment, “What am I feeling?” We’ve been doing a lot of practice with this. But in this category, it’s the hardest, because the emotions are so strong. And I know that in the moment, whatever feeling you feel, seems monumental and that it will never stop. But I am here to tell you that it’s just a feeling, and the feeling is a negative vibration in your body. And here’s the big news: a feeling cannot kill you. In the moment, it feels like it can. And that two cakes will help you feel better. But actually, it’s the feeling that will help you. And it’s the eating two cakes that could, over time, kill you.

So, according to the neuroscientist, Jill Bolte Taylor-amazing woman, wrote an amazing book called My Stroke of Insight. If you haven’t read it, you should read it because she tells us so much about the brain, and so much about life and so much about left and right side of the brain. But for now, what I want to tell you about her book is that she educatedly informs us that when we feel any feeling at all, it only lasts 90 seconds. 90 seconds. 90 seconds of feeling a feeling as opposed to storm eating. Think about that. Storm eating, eating two cakes, three cakes, four bags of cookies, whatever it is to not feel, or 90 seconds of feeling a feeling.

And here’s what’s really interesting about this. It’s only when you try to resist that feeling or push it away, or try to eat it away, that it doesn’t go away. It’s the resistance to the feeling that makes it last longer. So if you would just feel it-anger, frustration, shame-and you say it to yourself, “This is what frustration feels like.” The intensity of that feeling will be over in 90 seconds. So really, right now, in your most objective mode when you’re listening to me, what sounds better to you? 90 seconds of feeling a strong negative vibration in your body or two whole cakes? The beginning of handling storm eating is being aware of what you’re feeling. And that’s all I’m asking you to do right now. Okay?

Before we end today, I want to just combine all the tools that we’ve talked about and keep it clear so that you stay aware that every time you sit down to eat, you’re going to take a moment and you’re going to check in with yourself, “How hungry am I? How full am I? Where am I emotionally? And why am I eating? Which category- joy, fuel, storm, or fog-am I eating in right now?” And if you’re keeping a small journal with you please write down what gets your attention. And you know what, if you’re writing it, feel free, if you have questions, email me. Tell me what you see. Tell me what questions you have. Pretend like you’re my client. And tell me what comes up for you, and I can talk about it on my next podcast. And probably help a lot of other people at the same time. So if you want, all you need to do is contact me at drdebbutler.com/workwithme. And you can either set up a time to talk to me, where we can have a free mini session, or you can just talk to me about your question, and I can answer it on the podcast.

I like to think of it like this: consider yourself a science experiment. You are the observer watching what you do, starting to write it down, starting to make note of it, and then starting to objectively look at it. That’s what we’re doing right now. So, next week, I’m going to be teaching you my exclusive food journal. And I’m going to help you apply it to everything we’ve been talking about so far. And of course, helping you see more of what you see and to change what you do by seeing what you see. I’m going to tell you right now, it’s less about what you eat, and much more about why you eat. Please get those journals ready for next week and feel free to start using them early if you want. And remember, all my food journals are at drdebbutler.com/change-all my tools, all my worksheets, everything I’m talking about. So go get it. So you have those food journals. You’re my science experiment. Bring it back next week.

And listen, don’t go freaking out on me about food journals. Because I know I did when it was first introduced to me. But that’s because of what I thought about it, which was in a nutshell, no fun and I didn’t want to see my mistakes on paper. You know, I was used to the Weight Watcher journal, and I only use it when I was being good. But listen, listen! Loving yourself is all about accepting yourself wherever you are without judgment, just like you do for the people you love most in your life. So what if you loved you the most? What would you be willing to do for you? I love that. I want to say that again. What if you loved you the most? What would you be willing to do for you? So if you’re ready to take your mind and body to another level, it’s time to talk to me. Just visit drdebbutler.com/workwithme, and we will be talking as soon as you schedule a time with me. Maybe we can find out the solution for your struggle. And until next week, you must go inner to become thinner. Bye!

Dr. Michael Butler: If you’re ready to take your weight loss and eating issues to another level, it’s time to talk to Dr. Deb. Just visit drdebbutler.com/workwithme, work with me. And for a free consultation with Dr. Deb and find out if coaching is a solution to your struggles, just visit drdebbutler.com/workwithme.