Ep 126 Why Is THIS The Last Time You Will Lose Weight?

One of my favorite tools I use with my clients is, “Why is this the last time I will have to lose weight again?”

It helps to reorganize your thinking about your future instead of constantly going into your past.

In this episode, I read a client’s “last time” tool. Her letter is filled with many thoughts and ideas that will help you too.

Here is the letter:

Why this is the last time I’ll ever lose weight…

I went on my first diet at 11 years old. That’s when I started drinking too. My weight has gone up and down about 30 pounds for my entire life. I tortured myself by obsessing about my weight and food. I also used to exercise excessively in my attempts to lose weight and be more fit. I am a weight watchers lifetime member and have been on countless diets. Prior to now, the thinnest I’ve ever been was 118 pounds. I felt crazed and was not happy at all at that time. I ate very little and ignored my hunger until it screamed. Whenever I got to 120, my dream weight, I’d start to go right back up, usually to about 130, then the cycle would begin again.

I have now weighed 115 pounds for 2 and 1/2 months. My thoughts about food and weight are completely different than they have ever been. I never could have imagined that my thoughts were what I needed to change. I no longer want many of the foods I used to eat – especially those with flour and sugar or processed foods. I no longer overeat or eat for reasons other than hunger. I no longer obsess about food. I eat healthy fuel foods when I’m hungry and stop when I’m satisfied. I still enjoy food, but I don’t use it to numb my feelings. I feel my feelings now.

I know this is the last time I will ever lose weight because when I feel strong feelings, which I have many times while losing 15 pounds, I don’t want to reach for food. I understand that reaching for food will not help. I feel almost no urge to do this with food and when I see others doing it, I can remember what that felt like and feel awe that I no longer do it myself. I understand that I rewired my brain so that it no longer connects overeating with pleasure. It connects overeating with pain so the tiny urges that remain are easily managed by allowing myself to feel whatever feelings are causing the temptation.

I know this is the last time I will need to lose weight because I eat great fuel foods when I’m hungry and stop when I’m satisfied. I know this is the last time I will need to lose weight because I no longer crave or miss flour and sugar. I know this is the last time I will need to lose weight because my brain knows that overeating is false pleasure and that I have true joy available to me at all times. I can always choose to feel it, no matter the circumstances.

I know this is the last time I will ever need to lose weight because my body and I are communicating beautifully. I was a chubby kid from as far back as I can remember but now I am honoring my body’s true needs. I can’t fathom trading this stunning love affair that my body and I now have for the taste of anything. Having no desire whatsoever for pizza on my recent trip to NYC was pretty much the nail in the coffin of the life of my obsession with food. The best pizza in NYC, or any other food on the planet, could never compete with feeling light, healthy, energized, and in control of my life. Not over-feeding my body is part of my self-care now.

Any time I feel the slightest urge to eat for reasons other than fuel or to eat foods that are not healthy for my body, I have countless thoughts to think to remind me of all the reasons I never want to do it again. Here are just a few:

1. Not overeating has provided me with so much extra time! I now see how much time and energy I was wasting preparing too much food, mindlessly eating meals that were way too huge, snacking all day, stopping at shops to buy crappy treats, and just thinking all day about food! I would be eating one thing and fantasizing about how soon I could eat again and what I would eat next! It is so freeing to spend so much less time thinking about food. There are so many other fun and wonderful things to think about and do. I am way more caught up on my work and doing more fun and meaningful activities as a result! I’m also connecting with people more since I have more time and energy.
2. I am saving so much money! I used to go out to hearty expensive dinners with wine all the time on my regular work trips and now I mostly eat a light salad and little or no wine while away. Since I’m eating so much less I can take much better advantage of free food too. 🙂 I’ve been stocking up on fruit and nuts from the complimentary breakfasts at hotels, which can often get me through to dinner and help me avoid the unhealthy foods often offered at training programs I’m leading. I had a lovely plate of free spinach salad and other raw veggies with dressing for dinner from the lounge club for my airline before my flight tonight and that’ll carry me through till I get to eat again tomorrow.
3. I am indulging in much more self-care and enjoyable activities instead of snacking and drinking at night when I’m home. I read, meditate, watch uplifting TV shows, spend time connecting with family or friends, go in our Jacuzzi, and so many other activities that uplift and relax me instead of numbing with food or alcohol.
4. I go to sleep easier with a satisfied but not stuffed belly. I feel at peace and proud when I lay down instead of berating myself for snacking on something like cheese and crackers late at night, which I often used to do. I would lay in bed beating myself up and dreading waking up to step on the scale. Now I wake up certain that my weight will be just about the same as the day before. The scale is such a neutral thing now.
5. I love the way my clothes fit. After losing 15 pounds, most of the clothes that I had fit better than before. And there are many items in my closet that I hadn’t worn in years because they were too tight. Now I don’t own a single thing that’s too tight. And I did have to get rid of a few things which were too loose, but that was actually a thrill!
6. My husband keeps telling me how great I look. It’s funny because I didn’t lose the weight to look great, I lost it to feel great, and I do. Looking great is just a nice perk!
7. My friends, family, and colleagues have noticed my weight loss, which does make my ego feel good, but it also has a deeper meaning now. When I used to lose weight, I wanted the attention of everyone noticing and thinking I look good. Now I want to be a role model for what’s possible for others. Most people I know and love are overweight or are using food and/or alcohol to numb, even if their weight seems okay. Everyone thought my weight was fine at fifteen pounds heavier, but I was not fine at all. It would be an honor and a blessing to help others to learn how to do what I did. I would love to pay forward the enormous gift I’ve been given. This is the answer I waited 50 years for. I would love to help others experience the liberation and exhilaration of freedom from obsession with food and weight.

It feels as if I am in the same process with alcohol, but I am not as far along as I am with food. I want to be able to “take it or leave it” when I’m around alcohol and people who are drinking. I have come a long way. I have learned to enjoy not drinking most evenings at home now and I’m so happy about that. I feel better when I don’t drink at all. I sleep better when I don’t drink at all. I have a better day after an evening with no alcohol. I am still working to get to the “take it or leave it” point in certain social situations. I have done this in some social situations, but I am still struggling with others which is okay. Two steps forward and one step back will get me there eventually. The self-reflection and insights that result from my slips have been so worth it. I see now how necessary they are.

What I’ve learned is that I am much prouder of myself when I keep my word to myself and when I know that everything I said and did was with full awareness. I can be certain that decisions are made with my prefrontal cortex when I have not had any alcohol. My brain is learning that I can have just as much fun (more real fun, actually), can have just as deep a conversation with whoever I’m with, can be just as relaxed, and just as funny or silly without any alcohol. It’s always my choice to do whatever I want and be however I want. I don’t need alcohol to provide me with an excuse or reason for anything.

I know from having done it with food that if I just feel the feelings I have the urge to numb with alcohol, I will be okay, they will pass. I will not die. I will not go crazy. I can feel any feelings. They are just vibrations in my body. If I allow myself to feel them without numbing or resisting them, they will pass, and all will be okay. I will feel so much better about not numbing the feelings after they pass. It’s okay to feel that I am in “the river of misery” if I’m feeling very difficult feelings. They will not last forever and the power and self-love I feel when I have kept my word to myself by not drinking is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

I am so blessed to be on this journey. I am at peace. I am in love with myself again. I have renewed my spiritual life and practices with great enthusiasm. I know with every bone in my body that it was all divine intervention.

Five months ago, when I was shamefully shoveling slices of pizza into my mouth in NYC, after already eating a filling dinner, I felt out of control and lost. I was unable to deal with my emotions. I felt a frightening escalation in my use of food and alcohol to numb feelings that were unbearable to me. My world had been turned upside down and I was furious. I was suddenly the mother of two, not one, but two transgender young adults… seemingly overnight. The two people I loved and wanted to protect the most had gone from being privileged white males whose safety and emotional health I took for granted to being in one of the most at-risk groups in our world. I was spiraling into self-destructive coping mechanisms and I knew it, but I didn’t think I could control it. As I inhaled pizza and guzzled wine every night of that trip, I couldn’t have imagined that I was just a few short days away from salvation. I had to go that low to get me to search my podcast app for weight loss help as soon as I got home. What has happened since that day is nothing short of a miracle…

Enjoy the show!

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