My dog, Baron, passed away a few weeks ago, and I can now write about it.
I was out at our favorite walking spot today… It was my first time without him. It was so hard to go, but I went, because it is still one of my favorite joy-filled activities. It was just more joyful with him.
You might think I’m gaining weight because it’s been hard to walk without him, but really I’m gaining weight, because I don’t want to feel this incredible sadness.
I want to eat when I’m not hungry and more than anything I want to drink a nice glass of wine a lot more often than usual. THAT’S why I’m gaining weight. I don’t want to feel.
I teach this stuff, yet when it’s so personal, it seems different. It’s MY dog and it’s MY sadness. MY feelings are better off being fed and numbed. BUT, YOU, I want you to feel yours. Such a double standard 🙂
So, today, I went for my walk and had moments of extreme sadness. But, here’s the thing… it would feel really intense for about 90 seconds, and then it would be gone. I remember from reading Jill Bolte Taylor’s book, A Stroke of Genius. In her research of the brain, all emotions only last 90 seconds.
So, it’s only when you resist those emotions, that the discomfort will last so much longer. So, I just let the waves come and go. For petes sake, it’s only a feeling and a feeling won’t kill you, but eating to numb a feeling actually can!
I went past his favorite swimming place. He loved to swim in all seasons. I would just sit and watch him. It was our sit spot time. He swam and I just got quiet and still. When when it was time to go he would get out of the water and come right next to me and shake the excess water all over me. It WAS time to get going!
I knew he was dying for the last few months, so every moment we had together was sacred. It made me think about all my moments I have with the people that I love who don’t have a fatal diagnosis. What makes me so sure that I have all the time in the world with them?
So this is what my best friend, Baron, taught me while he was here. Whenever you see me, love me as much as you can. Enjoy me as much as you can. Be as present with me as much as you can. Feel me as much as you can. And, by the way don’t just do this with me, do it with everyone.
I did and I will.
Enjoy every moment!
Dr. Deb
